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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes  Posted: July 10th, 2016, 11:19 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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lol Well, evil is in your name.  1. I would never hide in the boat and join Boromir on his final journey over the falls of Rauros..... Until AFTER I got caught offer to singlehandedly cater the feast following Théoden King's recovery from Saruman's spell..... In which case my alternative would be to go join Túrin's band of outlaws and fight Orcs in the lands around Nargothrond. (Let's never mind the timeline issues with that theory) 1. Come up with a biscuit recipe that Literally makes you want to slap your momma and then give it out in hobiton 2. Walk around Bree Fish Slapping people in the face. (Mostly only people who are smaller than you so you don't get shanked by some stray adventurer with a knife) 3. Pour a pound of baking soda in the kegs of ale at the Prancing Poney
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 11th, 2016, 10:33 am |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
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Location: Angband & Mordor
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Following your delightful example ...                             
I would admit to creating a biscuit recipe that literally made people want to slap there mommas, and handing it out to the citizens of Hobbiton; but only after I had been caught walking around Bree slapping people in the face with a fish (especially people smaller than myself so I can avoid being shanked by some stray adventurer with a knife ). And, to avoid further problems, I would never admit to pouring a pound of baking soda in the kegs of ale at the Prancing Pony.
1. Steal Boromir's armour and hawk it in the Minas Tirith flea market.
2. Trick Faramir into entering the chamber where his father has built his funeral pyre by telling him the Lady Éowyn is waiting there to make his acquaintance.
3. Delay Gandalf's and Pippin's arrival in Minas Tirith so they can't interfere in the above events.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 11th, 2016, 1:36 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Lol Does make for a good little story there.  I would admit to stealing Boromir's armour and hawk it in the Minas Tirith flea market so I would never have to trick Faramir into entering the chamber where his father has built his funeral pyre by telling him the Lady Éowyn is waiting there to make his acquaintance and instead would be caught delaying Gandalf's and Pippin's arrival in Minas Tirith so they can't interfere in the above events. 1. Sprinkle black pepper in Gandlaf's nose while he sleeps 2. Eat Denathor's meal so when Pippin sings he has nothing to munch on 3. Snag a warg and release it in the Shire
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 11th, 2016, 2:53 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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It makes for a nice change and it's a bit more challenging.
I would get caught sprinkling black pepper in Gandlaf's nose while he slept, and have to admit that I ate Denethor's meal while Pippin was singing so he had nothing to munch on; hoping that I wouldn't have to snag a warg and release it in the Shire.
1. Tell Éowyn that her fairy godmother refused to create her wedding dress.
2. Tell Faramir that Grishnákh and his merry band of Orcs will be supplying the food for the wedding feast.
3. Send a wedding invitation to Sauron .
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 12th, 2016, 6:29 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Indeed.  I would never tell Éowyn that her fairy godmother refused to create her wedding dress because I would be to busy getting caught telling Faramir that Grishnákh and his merry band of Orcs will be supplying the food for the wedding feast and admitting that I sent a wedding invitation to Sauron. 1. Teach all the Elvin children to read backwards 2. Teach the hobbit children that Elvish children eat hobbits 3. Teach the human children that Hobbits don't exist
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 12th, 2016, 11:16 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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I would never bother teaching elven children to read backwards, because I would have to admit to teaching the hobbit children that elvish children don't eat hobbits, while I got caught teaching the human children that hobbits don't exist.
1. Divert the fellowship on its quest to take the Ring to Mt. Doom.
2. Blackmail Gollum to take Sam and Frodo to the frozen lands of the north.
3. Tell Éomer that the three Hunters are spies of Mordor.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 13th, 2016, 4:54 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would admit to diverting the fellowship on its quest to take the Ring to Mt. Doom and get caught blackmailing Gollum to take Sam and Frodo to the frozen lands of the north and thus would be too busy to tell Éomer that the three Hunters are spies of Mordor.
1. Set fire to Bucklin (sp?)
2. Break down the bridge to the Trollshaws
3. Loose a million termites in the Prancing Poney
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 15th, 2016, 2:38 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
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Location: Angband & Mordor
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I would never set fire to Buckland, especially after getting caught trying to break down the bridge to the Trollshaws, and having to admit that I had loosened a million termites in the Prancing Pony.
1. Steal a valuable manuscript from Elrond's library and sell it at the Hobbiton flea market.
2. Steal the shards of Narsil and melt them down to make counterfeit coins.
3. Steal Arwen's best gown and cut it into cleaning cloths.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 19th, 2016, 9:41 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never steal Arwen's best gown and cut it into cleaning cloths, ONLY because I t would be more profitable to steal a valuable manuscript from Elrond's library, which I would admit to, and sell it at the Hobbiton flea market. Unfortunately my steeling spree would end with me getting caught stealing the shards of Narsil and melting them down to make counterfeit coins.
1. Sell caterpillar cocoons to unwitting children in Bree and tell them they are, "Fairie Nests."
2. Let all the horses out of the stables at Bree
3. Put a sign up at the gate of Bree Town saying, "We be Pirates!"
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 19th, 2016, 11:05 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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I would be happy to admit that I sold caterpillar cocoons to unwitting children in Bree, and telling them that they are "Faerie Nests; but only if I had managed to avoid getting caught letting all of the horses out of the stables at Bree. However, I would never put up a sign on the gate of Bree saying: "We be Pirates!", because Bree is many leagues away from any seas.
1. Send Éowyn to the caves beneath Helms Deep, and ask her to organise an assortment of activities for the people stuck there.
2. Ask Arwen to travel to Lothlórian to help rake up mallorn leaves for her grandmother.
3. Tell Elrond Arwen has run off to Helms Deep to assist Éowyn with her tasks.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 20th, 2016, 9:45 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never send Éowyn to the caves beneath Helms Deep, and ask her to organise an assortment of activities for the people stuck there. Let them be BORED! lol I would, however, admit to asking Arwen to travel to Lothlórian to help rake up mallorn leaves for her grandmother, right before getting caught telling Elrond that Arwen has run off to Helms Deep to assist Éowyn with her tasks.
1. Fling boogers at newcomers in the Green Dragon (I've NO IDEA why this jumped into my head but.... had to run with it)
2. Smile menacingly to the new comers at the Green Dragon and say, "Come into my house said the spider to the fly."
3. Serve everyone fish who orders strawberries at the Green Dragon.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 21st, 2016, 1:23 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
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Location: Angband & Mordor
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Dude, you give me the strangest things! LOL
I would never fling boogers at newcomers in the Green Dragon as it would ruin the Inn's reputation, but I would get caught smiling menacingly at the newcomers while saying: "Come into my Inn said the spider to the fly. "; but not before I admitted to serving everyone who ordered fish strawberries instead.
1. Tell Sauron that Saruman is creating his own minions without permission.
2. Lie to Saruman and tell him that Gríma let the cat out of the bag.
3. Tell Gríma that Saruman thinks he told Sauron about the Uruk-hai.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 22nd, 2016, 7:09 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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LOL my mind is a strange place! Ibwould never Tell Sauron that Saruman is creating his own minions without permission because it would be too risky. Instead I would get caught telling a Lie to Saruman and tell him that Gríma let the cat out of the bag. Then admit that I told Gríma that Saruman thinks he told Sauron about the Uruk-hai. 1. Explode Saruman's bomb while it's in his tower 2. Put nerd tips on all Legolas' arrows 3. Put stickers (as in sharp and poky not sticky) in ALL the helmets of middle earth.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 22nd, 2016, 11:31 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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I would never explode Saruman's bomb while it's in his tower because I would get caught in the blast (no remote detonators available). However, I would love to have to admit that I put Nerf-tips on all of Legolas' arrows, although I would probably get caught putting sticky-pokey things in all of the helmets in Middle-earth because there are just so gosh darned many of them.
1. Offer to lead the hobbits and Aragorn on a little-known path through the Midgewater Marshes.
2. Pick out a particularly gloomy campsite and tell them it's to keep the neekerbreekers away.
3. Offer to sing them a lullaby, if only to lull them into a false sense of security.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 23rd, 2016, 12:32 am |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Lol that's entertaining. I do like this new format.  I would admit to Offering to lead the hobbits and Aragorn on a little-known path through the Midgewater Marshes. So I could get caught Picking out a particularly gloomy campsite and tell them it's to keep the neekerbreekers away. At which point Inwould (not) offer to sing them a lullaby, if only to lull them into a false sense of security. 1. Make neekerbreeker stew for Bilbo's biethday 2. Make snappwr (turtle) stew for Bilboes birthday 3. Make hobbit stew for Bilbo's birthday
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 23rd, 2016, 12:37 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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I would get caught making neekerbreeker stew for Bilbo's birthday, after I had admitted to making the delicious snapping turtle stew instead. I would never make hobbit stew for Bilbo's birthday because it's much too boring.
1. Hike across the Blue Mountains looking for ancient Dwarves.
2. Swim across the mighty Anduin after Faramir dared me to do it.
3. Pretend I'm a wizard and fly over the Wasteland on a little-known northern dragon.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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