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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes  Posted: September 3rd, 2016, 1:14 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Inwould get caught stealing all the straw from the sables at Bree and build a scarecrow effigy of Saruman out of it, but only because Ibthen lit the scarecrow on fire.... Upon further interpgation I would admit to being the one who redecorated the hobbit-sized rooms at the Prancing Pony with frilly curtains and cute Barbie bedspreads. Due to being detained Inwould never get around to play three-card Monte with the patrons of the Prancing Pony, cheating of course.
1. Make all the ale at the Prancing Poney taste like skunk
2. Throw a rotton tomato on a patron at the prancing poney and make them think Barliman Butter ur did it
3. Further tarnish Barliman's reputation by putting magots in the food he serves.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 3rd, 2016, 11:50 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country: 
Gender: Female
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I would admit to making all of the ale at the Prancing Pony taste like skunk, while I was was being questioned about getting caught throwing a rotton tomato on a patron at the Prancing Pony, and trying to make them think Barliman Butterbur did it. I would, however, never further tarnish Barliman's reputation by putting maggots in the food he serves, because I would be in gaol serving time for my other misdemeanours.
1. Tell Théoden King Éomer has sold Snowmane to some passing Orcs.
2. Raid the larders in the kitchens in Meduseld and destroy everything cooked by Éowyn.
3. Pick all of the simbelmynë growing on the Kings" barrows, throw it on Gríma, and tell him it's snowing.
_________________ 
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 4th, 2016, 2:17 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never tell Théoden King Éomer has sold Snowmane to some passing Orcs because Eomer paid me too much for my silence... I would, however admit to raiding the larders in the kitchens in Meduseld and destroy everything cooked by Éowyn. Shortly after I would get caught picking all of the simbelmynë growing on the Kings" barrows, throw it on Gríma, and tell him it's snowing.... And possibly hailing as I mixed small rocks in with the flowers....  1. Bake a cale for Eowyn and use lard for icing. 2. Tell Bilbo his muffins are all stale so you can gather them up and keep them after he tosses them out 3. Interupt the dwarves every time they start to sing.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 5th, 2016, 6:08 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would admit to baking a cake for Éowyn and using lard for the icing because I, honestly, didn't think she'd notice the difference; and, I would get caught telling Bilbo his muffins are stale, so I can gather them up, and keep them after he tosses them out. I would never interrupt the dwarves every time they start to sing because I love baritone and basso voices.
1. Tell Thuringwethil that it's illegal for bats to fly around Angband on the 31st of October.
2. Tell Tevildo, Prince of Cats, that Morgoth is replacing him with Huan the Hound.
3. Tell Carcharoth he will be having competition for Morgoth's affection once Huan arrives.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 5th, 2016, 6:13 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Inwould admit to telling Thuringwethil that it's illegal for bats to fly around Angband on the 31st of October. Inwould get caught telling Tevildo, Prince of Cats, that Morgoth is replacing him with Huan the Hound. I would never tell Carcharoth he will be having competition for Morgoth's affection once Huan arrives because I would leave him to wonder.
1. Give Sam a pair of glasses that makes it look like everytime someone smiles they are frowning and everytime someone is frowning they are smiling.
2. Tell Golum that Sam is really a fat half orc Hobbit who wants toneat him when master Frodo isn't watching.
3. Tell Frodo that Gandalf wants the ring for himself.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 6th, 2016, 7:57 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would admit to giving Sam a pair of glasses that makes it look like everytime someone smiles they are frowning, and vice versa. I would get caught telling Gollum that Sam is really a fat half-Orc hobbit, who wants to eat him when Master Frodo isn't watching. But, I would never tell Frodo that Gandalf wants the Ring for himself, because Gandalf might turn me into a box of frogs.
1. Ask Arwen what it's like to be married to a man much younger than herself.
2. Tell Faramir that Éowyn only chose him because she was rebounding from her unrequited love for Aragorn.
3. Rewrite the 'Lay of Lúthien' so that Lúthien forsakes Beren and runs off with Daeron instead.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 7th, 2016, 10:51 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would be caught asking Arwen what it's like to be married to a man much younger than herself... Since I could hardly do it without it being known. I would then admit to Arwen that I told Faramir that Éowyn only chose him because she was rebounding from her unrequited love for Aragorn. I would never rewrite the 'Lay of Lúthien' so that Lúthien forsakes Beren and runs off with Daeron instead.
1. Introduce electric lights to middle earth
2. Switch all the pumpkin pie in the shire with sweet potato pie
3. Slather Sam's hair with lard while he slept
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 8th, 2016, 3:48 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would admit to introducing electric lights to Middle-earth, which is how I got caught switching all of the pumpkin pie in the Shire with sweet potato pie. Blasted lights were my undoing! I would never get to slather Sam's hair with lard while he slept because the infernal lights are keeping him awake.
1. Redecorate the great hall of Meduseld in the art deco style.
2. Offer to babysit Sam and Rosie's brood, and feed them lots of sugar.
3. Steal all of the barrels containing Thranduil's vintage wines, and dump the contents in the River Running.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 9th, 2016, 8:29 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never redecorate the great hall of Meduseld in the art deco style, because I would be too busy babysiting Sam and Rosie's brood, and admitting to feeding them lots of sugar just as I dashed off to steal all of the barrels containing Thranduil's vintage wines, and dump the contents in the River Running, leaving Sam and Rosie's brood all sugared up and in their very capable hands. 1. Build a hobbit hole under water and sell it to an unsuspecting hobbit 2. Glue wings and horns on all the hobbit ponys and try and convince them they are unicorns 3. Tell pippin that Wargs like being scratched behind the ears and he should give it a try
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 10th, 2016, 6:25 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would never build a hobbit hole under water, and sell it to an unsuspecting Hobbit, because Gollum would squatted in it before I ever got to put it on the market. I would get caught trying to glue wings and horns on all the hobbit ponies so I could convince them they are unicorns, because my cries of pain as the danged ponies bit and kicked the daylights out of me would draw the ostler's attention. And, I would have to admit that I told the ever gullible Pippin that wargs like being scratched behind the ears, because he ended up in the Houses of Healing after trying to do it.
1. Send Pippin on an errand to Mordor to collect hot coals to start a fire.
2. Ask Sam to entertain the inhabitants of Edoras with rope tricks, while Merry picks their pockets.
3. Steal Legolas' long knives and replace them with rubber facsimiles.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 10th, 2016, 11:37 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would get caught sending Pippin on an errand to Mordor to collect hot coals to start a fire. I would never ask Sam to entertain the inhabitants of Edoras with rope tricks, while Merry picks their pockets because I know he would refuse. I would admit to stealing Legolas' long knives and replace them with rubber facsimiles.
1. Hide a dead fish in Bill the Pony's pack and let it start to stink
2. Throw a stick of dynamite in the water with the watcher
3. Eat all Frodo's Lembas
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 11th, 2016, 3:59 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would admit to hiding a dead fish in Bill the Pony's pack and letting it start to stink; but only after Aragorn and Boromir stated questioning me after I got caught throwing a stick of dynamite into water with the Watcher; but I would never eat all of Frodo's lembas.
1. Steal Sam's elven-made rope and use it to lasso Uruk-hai.
2. Tell Thranduil the dwarves drank all of his best ale before escaping in the stolen barrels.
3. Ask Denethor why Boromir's his favourite, when Faramir's cleanly smarter, and better looking.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 13th, 2016, 10:55 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never Steal Sam's elven-made rope and use it to lasso Uruk-hai no matter how incredibly tempting that sounds... ONLY because I know Sam will need it. Instead I would get caught telling Thranduil the dwarves drank all of his best ale before escaping in the stolen barrels and admit to ask Denethor why Boromir's his favourite, when Faramir's cleanly smarter, and better looking.
1. Teach a parrot to mock the enemy and send him out to demoralize your foes
2. Launch stink bombs from the white city on the orcs
3. paint lipstick marks on pippin's face while he sleeps
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 14th, 2016, 4:01 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would have to admit to teaching a parrot to mock my enemies, and sending him out to demoralise my foes, but only after their leaders noticed the change in the mood of the troops. And, I would get caught launching stink bombs from the parapets of the White City onto the Orcs below, because the wind had shifted and blown the stink over the army Commanders' quarters. Alas, I would never get to paint lipstick marks on Pippin's face while he sleeps, because I would be locked up in the dungeons of Minas Tirith facing charges for the first two events.
1. Train a warg to steal the dispatches between Aragorn and his Commanders, and take them to Sauron.
2. Show the foes of the armies of Gondor and Rohan the best place to tunnel into Minas Tirith.
3. Steal the One Ring from Frodo and return it to its rightful owner, Sauron.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 14th, 2016, 8:35 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would get caught training a warg to steal the dispatches between Aragorn and his Commanders, and take them to Sauron because I would love to learn how to train a warg so I could have one as a pet!! I would then admit to showing the foes of the armies of Gondor and Rohan the best place to tunnel into Minas Tirith on the terms that I got to be king! I would never steal the One Ring from Frodo and return it to its rightful owner, Sauron because I'd be afraid it would consume and kill me. 1. Tell Elrond he smells like a twice dead warg left to Rot in the sun 2. Throw some warg meat in Eowyn's stew without her knowing 3. Sell "Lucky Warg Paws" through the streets of the white city as they are being sieged by Mordor's armies.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: September 15th, 2016, 2:41 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country:
Gender: Female
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I would never tell Elrond he smells like a twice-dead warg left to rot in the sun, because he was likely taught swordsmanship by Maedhros, and could cut off my head in the blink of an eye. I would admit to throwing some warg meat into Éowyn's stew without her knowledge, but only after I had been caught selling 'lucky warg paws' on the streets of the White City, while it was under siege by the armies of Mordor.
1. Help Sauron build more dungeons beneath Dol Guldur.
2. Sell toxic potions to the Shire-folk under the guise of 'curing their winter colds'.
3. Sell Legolas shares in a haircare products company, and then abscond with his money.
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Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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