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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes  Posted: July 23rd, 2016, 8:35 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would love to and certainly admit to hiking across the Blue Mountains looking for ancient Dwarves. Thus I would never have to swim across the mighty Anduin after Faramir dared me to. Once I returned from my hike I would then get caught pretend I'm a wizard and fly over the Wasteland on a little-known northern dragon.
1. Publish a book in middle earth that is all about the "Real World."
2. Sell water from the Anduin in bottles at Bree and say it's "magic water."
3. Bake mud pies and hand them out to children in hobbiton as snacks.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 23rd, 2016, 9:46 pm |
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Joined: 24 January 2012
Posts: 669
Location: Woodland Realm
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Gender: Female
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This looks like fun. Here goes;
I'd get caught selling the fake magic water. Some time later, I'd admit to publishing a book about the real world, 'cause I bet the people of ME might enjoy it. I'd never give out mud pies to kids as snacks.
1. Disguise yourself as a wizard and con people to see your "magic tricks."
2. Give Gollum a fake Precious, then take it away.
3. Sneak around Rivendell stealing things.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 23rd, 2016, 9:55 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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 It is a lot of fun! We kind of modified it a little from the original version. I would never disguise yourself as a wizard and con people to see your "magic tricks." Only because I would be too busy making a fake precious to give Gollum just so I could take it away. After admitting to that I would soon be caught sneak around Rivendell stealing things. 1. Theow rotten eggs against the black gates 2. Serve "Troll stew" to the orcs at the black gates 3. Draw Shelob out of her lair and get her to attacknthe orcs at the black Gates.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 24th, 2016, 4:24 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
Country: 
Gender: Female
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I would never throw rotten eggs against the Black Gates, because I would get caught adding them to the "Troll stew " I was serving to the Orcs at the there. And, only after getting caught doing that, would I admit to drawing Shelob out of her lair so she could attack the Orcs at the Black Gates.
1. Steal a priceless manuscript from the library at Minas Tirith.
2. Sell said priceless manuscript to Elrond.
3. Resteal the manuscript and sell it back to the library at Minas Tirith.
_________________ 
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 24th, 2016, 4:54 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would admit to stealing a priceless manuscript from the library at Minas Tirith but I would never sell said priceless manuscript to Elrond... because others would pay more than him. After I sold it to these "others" I would get caught resteal the manuscript and sell it back to the library at Minas Tirith.
1. Forge a blade in the forges of Mt. Doom... one blade to rule them ALL!
2. Threaten to Throw Denathor in Mt. Doom if he made Feramir ride out to Osgiliath
3. Roast Marshmallows over the lava in Mt. Doom and make smores
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 25th, 2016, 2:22 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would be happy to admit that I forged a blade in the forges of Mt. Doom ... one blade to rule them ALL! Especially after getting caught threatening to throw Denethor into Mt. Doom for making Faramir ride to Osgiliath. But I would never roast marshmallows over the lava in Mt. Doom to make smores because the Big Guy would kill me for desecrating the site.
1. Ride to the Battle of Pelennor Fields with Dernhelm and Merry.
2. Help the Witch-King defeat Éowyn by warning him that Dernhelm is actually a woman.
3. Kill Éomer by stabbing him in the back and then declare yourself King of Rohan.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 25th, 2016, 9:42 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would admit to ridding to the Battle of Pelennor Fields with Dernhelm and Merry, only so I could be caught helping the Witch-King defeat Éowyn by warning him that Dernhelm is actually a woman, because the witch king is leader of the Evilish Nazgul Club for World domination! Since I would be too busy with these plans I would never kill Éomer by stabbing him in the back and then declare yourself King of Rohan.
1. Break out in song songing Taylor Swift covers at the Battle of Helms Deep. (Yes... That could be a crime)
2. Blow your nose into Epwyn's soup to improve the flavor before she gives it to Aragorn.
3. Cook the fallen wargs from the battle field and feed them to the people travelig to Helms Deep.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 26th, 2016, 11:55 am |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would break out in song, singing Taylor Swift covers at the Battle of Helm's Deep, but I would never blow my nose into Éowyn's soup before she gives it to Aragorn because it would definitely NOT improve the flavour. And, I would get caught cooking the fallen wargs, and feeding them to the people travelling to Helm's Deep, because they smell so awful when they're cooking (even worse than when they were alive).
1. Polish, mend, and carry Boromir's armour to Caradhras, ditch it before you start climbing, and tell him you lost it when it fell over a cliff.
2. Pack Sam's pack for the trip to Mordor but forget the taters and salt.
3. Offer to intercede on behalf of Aragorn, and then try to convince the Dead to join Sauron's army instead of Aragorn's.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 26th, 2016, 7:00 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would admit to polishing, mending, and carrying Boromir's armour to Caradhras, but ditching it before I start climbing, and telling him I lost it when it fell over a cliff. I would probably then get caught packing Sam's pack for the trip to Mordor but forget the taters and salt. In which case I wold be too busy to offer to intercede on behalf of Aragorn, and then try to convince the Dead to join Sauron's army instead of Aragorn's.
1. Convince Aragorn to Marry Eowyn
2. Just before Boromir heads to Rivendel for the council of Elrond tell convince him and Feramir that Denathor had a last minute change of heart and wanted them to switch places
3. Go hunting in Loth Lorien
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 27th, 2016, 2:25 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would admit to trying to convince Aragorn to marry Éowyn; but not unless I got caught trying to convince Boromir and Faramir that Denethor wants them to switch places with regarding travelling to Rivendell. I would never go hunting in Lothlórien for fear of offending Galadriel and her Marchwardens.
1. Set fire to the Prancing Pony and then scam Barliman's Insurance Company for the money.
2. Rebuild the Prancing Pony as a high end casino and resort and ban hobbits.
3. File a lawsuit against the Prancing Pony Casino for violating the hobbits civil rights.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 27th, 2016, 5:12 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would never Set fire to the Prancing Pony and then scam Barliman's Insurance Company for the money. However after my minions... Er.. I mean... AFTER SOME STRANGER burnt it down I would admit to Rebuilding the Prancing Pony as a high end casino and resort and ban hobbits. Inwould then be caught filing a lawsuit against the Prancing Pony Casino for violating the hobbits civil rights.
1. Offer to build a new gate at Bree Town after the Nazgul knock it off it's hinges and then collect the job fee and dissapear without doing any of the work.
2. Steal carrots from random burping padedtrians in Bree town.
3. Feed the horses in the bree stables loco weed and make them go crazy.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 29th, 2016, 12:52 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would happily offer to build a new gate at Bree after the Nazgûl knocked it off its hinges, but I would have to admit that I had no intention of completing the job, after I collect the money for the construction; especially after I get caught stealing carrots from random burping pedestrians in Bree. However, I would never feed loco weed to the horses in the Bree stables to make them go crazy.
1. Warn Túrin the woman he's in love with is his sister and save him from a world of hurt.
2. Warn Túrin that building a bridge at Nargothrond will result in the total destruction of the city.
3. Warn Túrin that the sword he takes from Beleg after murdering him will be the death of him.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: July 30th, 2016, 5:58 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would admit to warning Túrin the woman he's in love with is his sister and save him from a world of hurt. I would never warn Túrin that building a bridge at Nargothrond will result in the total destruction of the city, because I would be too busy getting caught trying to warn him that the sword he takes from Beleg after murdering him will be the death of him.
1. Shoot an arrow from the wall at Helms deep as soon as the orcs are within sight.
2. Warn the orcs about the back door to helms deep
3. Stuff the horn of Helm Hammer Hand full of cotton so Gimli can't blow it.
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: August 1st, 2016, 12:05 am |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would have to admit that I shot an arrow from the wall of Helm's Deep as soon as the Orcs came within sight, because I would already have been caught telling the Orcs about the back door to Helm's Deep. I would never stuff the horn of Helm Hammerhand full of cotton so Gimli couldn't blow it.
1. Tell Eöl that his wife and son are planning on absconding from Nan Elmoth while he's away.
2. Tell Caranthir that Aredhel and Maeglin are trespassing on his lands so he can send them back to Eöl.
3. Tell Maeglin that Morgoth is going to capture him so he can escape from him.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 9:12 am |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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I would get caught telling Eöl that his wife and son are planning on absconding from Nan Elmoth while he's away and would then be forced to admit I told Caranthir that Aredhel and Maeglin are trespassing on his lands so he can send them back to Eöl. Then they would throw me in a dungeon and I Would never be able to warn Maeglin that Morgoth is going to capture him so he can escape from him.
1. Teach Gimli to sing Opra
2. Teach Eowyn to Rap
3. Teach Aragorn to sing Death mettal
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Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 7:15 pm |
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Joined: 21 November 2014
Posts: 3922
Location: Angband & Mordor
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Gender: Female
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I would have to admit that I am also teaching Gimli to sing opera, after getting caught teaching Éowyn to rap. (She was so awful everyone in Meduseld threatened to sue her for torturing them.) I would never teach Aragorn to sing Death Metal because Arwen would kill me if I did.
1. Tell Gimli he can have all the ale he can drink if he paints the Green Dragon Inn red.
2. Tell Éowyn she can have an unlimited number of cooking lessons with the best cook in Rohan if she sews each of the Nazgûl bright orange robes.
3. Tell Èöl he will have unlimited wealth if he uses only blue metal to make his two finest swords.
_________________
Tevildo, Prince of Cats
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