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~ Writing Contest | Round 2 | Romance | *VOTING* ~
http://arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=29&t=15348		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Valera Elenhathel [ May 28th, 2007, 6:19 pm ]
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My vote:

1.A
2.C
3.F
4.D
5.B
6.E

A - Strong plot, lighter on description, but that's okay because it's a short story
C - Simple but sincere. However, just to nit-pick because I'm a grammar freak, the phrase "1st kiss" killed it for me.
F - Great descriptions to frame a small, simple plot. Language beautiful
E - Incongruous. Why would a noble work? Needs more attention to flow, pick names with care to reflect country, area of origin.
D - nice, unusual, but the way the narration is worded speaks volumes about the character. Cool idea!
B - interesting situation but I couldn't really get into the charries. It feels slightly odd to have a woman who is supposed to be strong and independent display such dependence without reservation
Author:  Meldawen [ May 28th, 2007, 7:35 pm ]
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I just about started identifying who I think wrote each entry. *Smacks self* Here we go. I didn't vote for myself, but I commented on mine because how else was I going to comment without totally giving it away? :P

1st: D. This one made me smile :) It feels so simple and sweet and not overburdened by mushiness or a lot of romance. Well done.
2nd: A. Pretty sure I know who wrote this one. (And pfft, if that sucked, I'm a balrog) Interesting premise and vivid writing. The only thing I would change would be slightly more interaction between the two and a bit less background, but as we both know, that's difficult.
3rd: C. Really sweet and it feels natural, like it could be real. I might change your sentence structure a bit in a couple places, but it was interesting to read.

F - nice, but I feel like it wasn't really very original or new. Just a sort of normal romance scene that you read frequently. That said, though, VERY nice descriptions. I liked them.
E - again, I didn't feel like it brought something new. Also, your sentences got to be a bit boring after a while and the dialogue felt stilted.
B - short and a tad abrupt, without very much background information.
Author:  Lady Dark Moon [ May 29th, 2007, 12:36 pm ]
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I'll go ahead and critique everyone's to not give away which entry's mine :D

A - Plot has great potential, nice starting sentence. Only note on grammar - try cutting down the participles. Somehow it lacks something. Trent's personality could be elaborated upon so that his sacrifice is more meaningful. It's a bit abrupt, and the dialogue between the two needs to be longer and more realistic. Too dramatic.

F - Very sweet and simple scene. I love your language and the way you portrayed the atmosphere. The slow pace complements the setting, but I couldn't help but feel that there was nothing out of the ordinary about this romance. A bit of romantic tension would help I think.

B - The first paragraph caught me from the start. Beautiful style. I like your style - not overly descriptive but just enough to convey Sitanya's anxiety. I can empathize with her fear, but a stronger heroine would earn more respect from the readers. Perhaps she was terrified at first but ends up finding strength at the end. It's also a bit short - more backstory needed.

D - Funny and refreshing. I could hear Dan's voice in my head, country accent and all. You fed the reader personality and backstory in an interesting way, without cluttering the page. I would recommend more paragraph structure to make the reading easier. He rambles a bit, and it was hard to assimilate his odd grammar. The marriage proposal was a bit abrupt as well. Perhaps some tension in the middle of the dialogue would help.

E - The first sentence hooked the reader nicely. The situation has some potential, but more attention to sentence structure is needed. Flaunting Stohana's beauty, then stating right off that Rician is handsome makes it sound stereotypical. Also, Stohana's name sounds exotic enough but "Chandler" reminds me of 19th century.

C - Very sincere and realistic, like it could happen to anyone. The narrative is credible for a high school girl. It was a bit mushy, but him still having to leave in the end neutralized that a little. Only thing I would recommend is more varied vocabulary and better sentence structure in some places. You used some form of "Blaire remembered" three times.


1. B
2. D
3. C
Author:  Turwaithiel Rochben [ May 29th, 2007, 2:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ugh, I can't give it away, but already I am angry with my entry. Again, I repeat, I am terrible at writing romance!

But, anyway, I loved all of them! There are some really amazing writers in this group!

My vote:
1. A
2. C
3. B

My comments:
A-Oh, I just love this one! I love the way you twisted the plot and how well you described the lovers passion for one another, but yet there duty to there own emeny kingdoms. Amazing job!!! :)

F-I must give you props. Honestly, even though I am bad at romance anyway, I can't see how you wrote during the real world time period, instead of back in the medievil times! It would be so hard to write that way, yet you did, and I thought it had a nice flow to it, but um...yeah, I thought it was good.

B- lol I love your beginning! When I first read it, I was puzzled and then I smiled. (even though in your story it wasn't really a smiling moment) I really like how you turned a bad time into a romantic one and the flow was nice. Good job! :)

D-I like how you only showed the story from Dan's veiw point and not the women's. I like how deep you got into his thinking, even though really in the story he was interacting with others. Spledid! (sp?)

E-I like the beginning and the details, though, I agree with the others, it kinda got a little boring and the flow was a little off.

C-Again, I like how you turned a bad past into a pleasant future. I like the details and how everything just came together and ended nicely! Nice job! :)

~~~~~
Again, amazing job everyone! :D
Author:  Gilraen Ringeril [ May 31st, 2007, 8:21 am ]
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bumpeth for the contest! :)

I still have yet to read all these entries, but believe me, I will, because I'm sure they are all amazing! :D

PS - I'm not voting because I'm entered and that's a personal rule of mine :P
Author:  Tintinnabulator [ June 1st, 2007, 12:29 am ]
Post subject: 
I could go through and nitpick, but I'm to tired. So instead, you get the vote based on the feel of the stories. Think reader instead of editor. :-D

1st- D- I really, really, really, liked this one. I'm not usually a fan of first person writing, but it fit for the tone of the piece.
2nd- A- I really like how it's not just romance, but a nice short story.
3rd- B- I'm not exactly sure why I like it, blame it on the characters! :)
Author:  Elenya [ June 3rd, 2007, 10:02 pm ]
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Usually I'm not much of a romance fan, but I liked all these! Here's my votes.

1st. A I like the characters, although it could do with a bit more characterization (I know can be hard to do that in a short story, though). I like the situation, setting, and the writing style too.
2nd. D I really like this one too. I like the stream-of-consciouness style- it really helps the reader get into Dan's mind. It's nice to see a man's point of view.
3rd. C I like the characters and dialogue- they're both believable. I also like some of the phrases (hair that begged you to run your fingers through it, she thought her insides would explode, etc) that help the reader "feel" what's going on.
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