OMG! School kills me (it would if I could die, but we don't wanna talk about that again, do we?) I didn't have time to come here for more than 1 week!!!!
*blows up school*
*doesn't have enough time to read all posts she missed*
Oh, a new member!
*pushes DQoA off a cliff, just to see what happens*
EÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to your avvy?????AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Why are you guys all eating???
*has cactus cake for supper*
Here, I wrote something that reflects our lives a bit:
A Nazgûl’s Diary
4th August:
Dear Diary!
Today we were just celebrating Witchy’s birthday, having a nice... more or less quiet…party with ale and roasted cactus, when our boss’s mouth came in. The boss needs us to leave for the Shire, he says, and he wants us to leave right away.
But we’re having a birthday party at the moment, I says. But he didn’t want to hear anything, the “§$%/& dork. So we had to abandon all the food, the fun …AND THE ALE! Muttering we all left for the stables to wake our horses. It was then that we discovered that they, Morgoth knows how, had gotten a few barrels of ale. And they hadn’t just gotten them. They were empty! All 20 barrels! After a short argument we saddled them and staggered out of Barad-Dûr.
Pretty funny we must have looked, for a couple of orcs we passed were lying on the floor, laughing. I we had had enough time I had…GRRR….however…where was I? Oh yes, the ride. Okay, I confess, we had drunk a few (and perhaps a few more) pints of ale ourselves. So, after losing our way a couple (=countless) of times, we finally managed to find the path to the Black Gate. First I wondered why one of the cave trolls was waving strangely at me, and then I noticed the paper crown, that was still on my head. I could have killed my dear fella Nazgûl if they weren’t already dead (well, actually they’re not dead, Nazgûl are UNdead, but somehow undead means alive, but we ain’t alive, either, so…..oh, never mind!). I also noticed for the first time that there are CAVE trolls on the gate. I mean….there ain’t any caves near the gate… At dawn we made halt in the shadow of a few trees. Not just because the sun was rising, but also because we (and the horses) were slowly getting a hangover. (Don’t tell anyone, but the sun NEVER rises in these lands…)
5th August
Owwwwww! This morning was h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e!!! When I awoke I thought an Oliphaunt must be sitting on my oh-so-poor head. I was glad that nothing special happened today. We were stumbling across the plains. Now my head feels a little better, but I’m still very weak. Nazgûl #6 gave me some of his Aspirin. Maybe I should get some of the stuff myself, our boss comes up with a lot of strange ideas lately…. I wonder if he’s planning something…
6th August
8:00 PM
Today we have to pass the Dead Marshes *shudders* I would take the long way around, but Witchy says that would only delay us even more than usual, for a whole army of Southerners is on the march to the boss. I REALLY wonder if he plans something…. It’s really time that we get our own fell beasts… I think we’re old enough! But the boss is still angry at us, becoz we, by accident of course, painted Angband pink instead of black and blood-red… And then the cactus we, again, by accident, had planted on his throne, and he sat down on it… I think we shouldn’t have said things like “The poor cactus!!!”… and all the other little accidents…
4:32 AM:
I am dirty, I am hungry, I am tired and I want my mommy! (I hope no one’s gonna read this book…okay, forget the last part!)
We’re in the middle of the damn swamp now. My poor horsey Heffalump twitched his ankle and is a bit lame now… Nazgûl #2’s horse, Rosalinda, ate a few things she found in the water, (I think one of those nasty ghosts sold it to her for a few pennies…) and now has a hiccup! Since 2:24! If she doesn’t stop that soon, she’ll drive me nuts!
7th August
Heffalump is completely lame now. We’re pushing and pulling him ‘cross the Marshes. Why is it always US who get the terrible jobs? I mean….the orcs don’t have to search a filthy little Hobbit I’ve never heard of! Maybe we should really write a letter to the Union! I mean…we don’t even get paid days off! Now that I come to think of it… We don’t get paid at all! Awww…I wanna go to bed again!
8th August
FINALLY!!! We left the Dead Marshes behind and are now in a small valley somewhere in Ithilien. Witchy decided that a few days rest can’t harm anyone. The boss will get his hobat...hebit….habot…whatever…soon enough! Now my dearie, Heffalump, has time to recover. Grrr… the first one who sees us will choke laughing! We REALLY need a washing machine!
Someone stole my purple nail polish! I bet it was Nazgûl #7! He once nicked my green scarf with the cute little yellow bats on it! It was a present from my aunt in the Misty Mountains!
14th August
I should have become a cook like my grandpa! I’m certainly getting too old for all this trouble! Can’t a Nazgûl live - err, I mean…die….no….exist in evil peace? The weather is way too hot! All the black stuff and the chain mail and all! I could flip over dead, if I could die….
Oh, and we’re also running out of food… We had cactus soup today, but I can’t eat even one more cactus!!! If we, at least, had an oven to make cactus cake! That would be an improvement! Heffalump choked on a cactus spine today… But he’s all right again… Right now we’re playing a came called Mordor-Rommé… the only problem is, that all the cards look the same! All black! But we have to get up early tomorrow night, so I’d better get some sleep now… Oh, and I’m sorry I have to write with black ink now… Nazgûl #3 drank my orange ink “by accident” of course. He thought it was ale, he says… If that’s true I’m an elf!
27th August
Sorry for not writing all the time… we had really bad weather and a tough ride. We’re in a forest again, but I have no clue where exactly we are… Witchy says he knows the right path, but I seriously doubt it. We had to ask rangers a few times… They looked at us in a very odd way, but invited us for supper none the less. Hmmm, barbecue! It’s nice to make friends in foreign countries. But the boss doesn’t like that…We’d better not tell him! These guys are really nice, they know a lot about the days of old. Maybe one day I’ll write a book about all the legends. They fascinate me. One told me we’re near Orthanc, and that reminded me of something… I just dunno what… Oh YES! Of course! The letter! One of the orcs of Barad-Dûr gave me a letter for his cousin in Orthanc. Hey, since when can orcs write? And that again reminds me of something else! We have no education in Mordor! As soon as we return I’ll have a word (or two) with the boss…
31st August
Saruman is a strange guy… Somehow a bit mental, but if you imagine him wearing glasses and a red pullover, sittin’ by the fireplace, smoking pipe weed and telling stories…. Nice guy, huh?
Hmmm…I wonder what da boss wants of the ho…ha…hi...he… What-the-hell… I should ask Witchy…
Witchy says the boss wants the hobbit (yay, learned the name) to teach him elvish… he’s always been interested n foreign languages, but he’s too proud to ask an elf… But somehow this sounds strange to me…
8th September
We went on a sight-seeing-tour today! It was awesome! We visited the Burrow-Downs, the Famous Trolls and even had a look at Rivendell (from afar). I even got an autograph from one of the Burrow wraiths! But he had a quite strange name….Karl-Heinz or something… I’m not sure, his handwriting is horrible…
I start to like the journey; maybe it ain’t that bad…. I just miss the darkness of Mordor a bit…
12th September
Hobbits are SO dumb!!! I mean, we just ask them if they know someone called Baggins, and what do they do??? They shut their doors, or shout at us, or freeze in terror (i wonder why? They sometimes look as if they had seen a ghost!), they stammer unintelligible words or just point in various directions! Seriously, they’re not very polite! I mean, we even knocked at the doors! I once read in a book about hobbits that they prefer it if you knock at their doors, so they can open them themselves….But I bet the author of the book had no idea… We just seem to frighten or insult them… I wonder what knocking at door really means…
22nd September
We finally arrived in Hobbiton (that’s the place most hobbits pointed to…) and what did we have to discover??? The stupid hobbit moved to Crickhollow!!!! (Morgoth knows where that is...) All the way up here!! In vain!!!!! So that means….back to the road again… I feel uncomfortable near all these hobbits….They don’t seem to like us… Oh, the world is so mean! Nobody likes us, everyone fears us!!! At days like this I get really depressed! I need my psychiatrist!
2:00 AM:
I thought I caught the glimpse of a hobbit in the forest, but I must have been mistaken… Heffalump needs glasses I fear, for he sometimes steps on roots and stumbles and so on…
29th September
We still haven’t found the hobbit…We now parted into 2 groups, so we have a greater chance to find him The 3 Nazgûl that are with me and I decided to spend an evening at an inn called The Prancing Pony, it is said to be very good. When we came to the gates of Bree, we wanted to try it one last time and knocked, but the gate just gave in and collapsed…. So we just rode on without waiting for an answer… And then we found everyone asleep at the inn and the door knocked. The horses in the stables somehow went mad and broke free…I hope they don’t send us a bill or something, for the boss wouldn’t be delighted…
However, we left the horses in the now-empty stables and went around the house. One window stood open and the room seemed to be empty. So we thought “Why not?” We had never spent a night at an inn, and Nazgûl can be very curious at times… so we went inside (*curses the small windows*) It was the first time we were going to sleep in beds. And the first time ever I touched a pillow. It was so soft! I swear, the first thing I get when I come home is a pillow!
However, after a while we started a pillow fight. It was freaking awesome! We had heard so much about it! YAY! After we were too exhausted to continue we had a look around: The beds were pushed over, feathers were everywhere but in the pillows…I could continue, but let’s just say the room was a mess. Well, it probably wasn’t such a good idea to wait until the landlord found us, so we ran for our lives (our…existence I mean!)
6th October
OWWW my HEAD!!! My FEET!!!!! My HANDS!!!My ME!!!! We’ve been tracking the hobbits for DAYS now, but they united with one of these damn rangers. Well, not just with a mere range, but with Aragorn, son of I-forgot-the-name-but-ask-him-he-always-says-it. He is said to be the best. Then we finally caught up with them at Weathertop. And then it happened. This son-of-a-whatever-his-name-was attacked us! I always knew that most rangers were evil, but he’s an extremely mean one! We came to them, slowly, so they could see we meant no harm, we had even drawn our swords to lay them down, and what did he do? He attacked us without warning!! JERK!!! He burned my best clothes! And Witchy lost his favourite sword! He tripped over something in the dark and fell upon a hobbit (who was, probably, our dear Mr. Baggins) and, this time really by accident, stabbed him. I think he hurt his shoulder. And OUCH!!!! I need to see a doctor! Witchy decided that we will take a holiday, at least for the next few days. I definitely need a vacation!
To be continued…
…….later
I stayed home from school. I got gunk in my throat light headed and dizzy, stuffy nose that then changed to runny nose. Headache and coughing and hacking and right now im at 17 snezzes.
