Arwen-Undomiel.com :: View topic - The "My Daddy = Denethor" Fellowship

Arwen-Undomiel.com http://arwen-undomiel.com/forum/

The "My Daddy = Denethor" Fellowship http://arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=39&t=12204	Page 1 of 2

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 4th, 2006, 5:39 pm ]
Post subject:	The "My Daddy = Denethor" Fellowship
Sooo... have a dad who is the spitting image of Denethor? Is he overly ambitious? Very selfish? A control freak? Stares at the newspaper/computer/palantir all day till he goes mad? Treats you like Boromir/Faramir and your sibling like the other Faramir/Boromir? Or is he simply clearly, utterly, MAD? When browsing through the rants thread, I noticed that I was far from the only one with this dilemna, so I thought that we who are here could form a gathering and try to help each other out. Go ahead, grab a Denethor-shaped punchbag, a mug of hot chocolate, and all those cookies/chips plus a comfy chair, sit down, and say what you've got to say, be it ranting or the question of the week. Question of the week: If your dad is Denethor, would you consider yourself to be the Boromir or the Faramir of the family? Why?

Author:	Kitoky [ November 4th, 2006, 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:
Now, opened! Thank you!

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 5th, 2006, 2:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks! Anyways, I feel like Faramir wearing Boromir's clothing... Personality-wise, I am the Faramir and my brother the Boromir and that is very clear-cut to whoever has met us in person. I tend to be the "wizard's pupil" because I love learning and both lore and fantasy captivate me like nothing else. My brother, on the other hand, loves popularity, battle, and excitement. The only difference between him and Boromir is that my brother is most definitely a "one of the crowd" person who loves to be a follower. However, my dad treats me like the Boromir in terms of expectations and it seems like the roles he has given me and how he sees me doesn't fit - just the way Faramir's white tree uniform didn't fit him but fit Boromir. I am the one he expects to get into an Ivy League, keep up my straight A's even if it drives me to madness from staying up all night, bring him personal honor and glory, etc. Sometimes I think that even though I seem to be doing soooo much to keep him happy and proud, I doubt whether I'm doing myself any good by it. Okay, so getting into such a college will probably do me a fair amount of good - but provided w/the fact that I'll be happy. What bugs me is that he sees me as some trophy to display in his cabinet, as some sort of pupett of which he is the pupeteer since he sees all my successes as not really mine but his and food for his ego. I shall always love him because he is my father, but sometimes I even wish to SWITCH him with Denethor. If I really were Denethor's daughter, I'd be doing what I am "for my people, for Gondor" but this way I seem to be doing it simply to survive expectations and to be released from the cage which I'm being held in at the moment. To me, Gondor as a cause would be twice as honorable. Fighting to inspire the best in others is one thing, fighting to retain your place in the trophy cabinet is something else. However, I would lose to break loose of the trophy cabinet and leave the "cage" which I am being kept in. My father is very much the control freak and seems to be highly irrealistic of expectations so I know that the only way to leave his trophy cabinet is not by being kicked out because I'm unworthy of being there, but to be put into an even larger, grander, more famous cabinet. This does not suit my nature because I am above all else a storyteller who travels the world, searching for her own battles while fighting those within. However, thanks to my father, I have become the princess locked up in a tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon. For now, all I can do is make "friends" with the dragon as I search for the key to the tower and hope that the prince shall arrive in the form of a letter... So while he does see me as the Boromir, I think my heart is much closer to that of Faramir. (And yet I will admit once again that it's Eowyn I'll still associate with more than anybody else... )

Author:	Fencing Maiden [ November 5th, 2006, 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:
Ahh yes, I will join. As you and I have briefly discussed, I feel like the Boromir of my family. My dad expects so much of me, I am to be the role model for my younger sister. And in his eyes, as he has told me many times, I am the... "smartest and most intellectually advanced" of all my siblings. I hate it when he categorizes me like that, I wish he would give my younger sister a chance to prove her stuff. But he never does; instead I'm always the one who get's all the tasks, all the assignments, and I have come to loathe being in a spotlight so much. It'll be interesting to see what other Boromir and Faramir's there are out there!

Author:	Aramel Elyanwe [ November 5th, 2006, 2:08 pm ]
Post subject:
I'll join. I'm more like Faramir (female form ). My parents are divorced and when my dad has visitation, he never spends time with me. I could probably run away and set up a cardboard cut out of me and he wouldn't know the difference.

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 5th, 2006, 2:33 pm ]
Post subject:
So for now our tally is... * Boromir = 1 * Faramir = 1 * Faramir seen as Boromir = 1 * Boromir seen as Faramir = 1 (Note: Aramel identifies w/2 of them... That's okay for members to do, but keep it limited to 2) Must say that it's rather interesting how this can happen... I wonder whether the dad seeing you as Boromir or Faramir also depends on if you're the younger or older of your siblings. Personally, I'm the oldest so I guess that's why I'm expected to be the one who sets the record and he sets the bar wayyyy tooooo high for my sanity. Fencing Maiden - That's really a shame about how he treats your younger sister. I think that everybody has their own special talents and that sometimes it just takes a certain eye for them to be seen... My brother and I are extreme opposites and my parents don't understand it either. It reminds me of when I was talking colleges w/my dad and I said that I wished I had an older sibling who had gone to a college such as the one my dad wants me to go to, then I reflected that my brother may have that chance. I think it took every single drama class I've taken in my life to keep a straight face when my dad replied saying "Your brother will never do it. I know his uses and they are few." We all know that DENETHOR says that line!!! Aramel - OUch... Divorce must have been bad enough, but him not noticing you has gotta hurt. But maybe it's better then that you are apart cuz otherwise it would be that case on a much more often basis... I dunno, my parents haven't gotten to the divorce stage yet, though I do suspect my dad has been cheating...

Author:	Aramel Elyanwe [ November 5th, 2006, 2:38 pm ]
Post subject:
Eowyn wrote: Aramel - OUch... Divorce must have been bad enough, but him not noticing you has gotta hurt. But maybe it's better then that you are apart cuz otherwise it would be that case on a much more often basis... I dunno, my parents haven't gotten to the divorce stage yet, though I do suspect my dad has been cheating... They were divorced when I was eight, and now I'm a teenager, so it was alittle while ago. What's wierd is that the woman he married already had a younger daughter, so I guess I am like the Boromir feeling like Faramir type thing. You can add that to your tally.

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 5th, 2006, 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:
Okies... I guess I should count you as both then! Boromir seen as Faramir, right? Got it!!!!

Author:	Aramel Elyanwe [ November 5th, 2006, 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Okay, yeah, that works too! The reason of my parents divorce was because my dad was an abusive drunk. I don't have any good memories of him since it was always my mom looking after me, buying me things and hanging out with me. So you could say 'Denethor' was never really there for me when I was growing up. I think that's a really hard thing to have parents who always fight and one who's gone all of the time. It's good to know I can talk to others about it.

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 5th, 2006, 3:00 pm ]
Post subject:
I feel just like that too... sooo happy that somebody out there understands what it's like. My dad is somewhat abusive too, I've been hit before and so has my mom but thankfully it stopped last year when I dodged and he ended up hitting the wall instead and even though I got grounded very painfully for it, he got the worst end of it. Kinda hurt me that I got him hurt, but I was also quite glad that I could find a way to fight back without physically fighting. There's threats and yelling in our house far too often, but it definitely has to be a whole lot worse if your dad drinks a lot. Mine can't cuz of the nature of his job (pilot), so I cannot even imagine. However, cheating opportunities have gotta galore in my dad's case and I hate it when I end up as a spy for etiher of my parents due to this.

Author:	Aramel Elyanwe [ November 5th, 2006, 3:06 pm ]
Post subject:
^That's hard too. Deep down I want to know why people do these stupid things. I mean, it's only going to effect their children and will only make things worse.

Author:	Blueeyedgirl4God [ November 5th, 2006, 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:
Hey Eowyn, mind if I join? (Although i can't promise being on here very much ) But Wow, I was reading through the posts, and y'alls dads may actually be worse than mine. I don't understand physical abuse at all. Mine's more... emotional abuse. and not even really toward me, but more toward my mom. He's basically told her that he blames her for everything that's gone wrong in his life and that's she's a horrible person/childish, immature, and all sorts of other degrading things. It seems as if it's gotten worse and worse over the past year with screaming, cussing, and just really mean things. I didn't know how to handle it. I guess that's why I reacted really badly when he started yelling me after my wreck (on the rant thread). He didn't even let me finish, then yelled at me more when I told him other details (why didn't you tell me that in the first place!?). He even yelled at me for crying. And he wonders why I was afraid to tell him in the first place? Plus, he's NEVER wrong (at least, in his mind). It's always my mom's fault. I dunno if I'm more Faramir, or Boromir. I'm an only child, so I don't exactly have any siblings to look up to. I guess I"m mostly faramir, cuz he usually doesn't even notice me, till I do something wrong, then it's like I have to be perfect.

Author:	Fencing Maiden [ November 5th, 2006, 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:
Goodness, y'all have it much harder than me. I, [again like Boromir] have a fairly good relationship with my dad. I enjoy his company most times, and I look up to him. It's just... we disagree often. I wish we didn't. But all you girls are very brave. Just remember, even if your daddy is a Denethor... there will come a time when he realizes he loves you.

Author:	*Eowyn* [ November 6th, 2006, 9:34 am ]
Post subject:
Just like Denethor did towards the end... and Faramir never really wanted to dishonor him to begin with! Welcome, Blueeyedgirl4God, glad to see you join us! Hey, you don't need to post up blaming the Denethor on a daily basis, don't worry about that. Just come in when you wish to let the burden Denethor's feeding you be put off your shoulders for a while. My dad and I only seem to agree when there's decent incentive on my part to bribe him with - an A+ in a really really tough subject, etc. And I just don't think that's a very good relationship but it's sadly the one we do have where we can actually nod our heads in agreement about unfair teachers... lol. Today on the way home turned into yet another interrogating regarding marks, by now I just rattle them off w/o realizing whether I'm saying them in what order or not... Really kinda sad, but it's the one way to keep him from controlling every lil aspect of me so I do use it as much as possible as my ticket to freedom. Funny that all of us here so far are girls... Looks like Denethor had quite a few daughters after all!!! So for now our tally is... * Boromir = 1 * Faramir = 2 * Faramir seen as Boromir = 1 * Boromir seen as Faramir = 1

Author:	*~ArwenEvenstar~* [ November 6th, 2006, 10:11 am ]
Post subject:
I'll join. I definately am 100% Faramir. My personality is very similar to his, and I am treated the same way as well. My sister, however, is the Boromir of the family. I don't really get what she does that makes my parents (particularly my dad) so happy with her. I even get better grades and everything than my sister, so I don't get what it is... And yet my sister and I get along just like Boromir and Faramir as well.

Author:	The Nightingale [ November 7th, 2006, 2:19 am ]
Post subject:
Fencing Maiden wrote: As you and I have briefly discussed, I feel like the Boromir of my family. My dad expects so much of me, I am to be the role model for my younger sister. And in his eyes, as he has told me many times, I am the... "smartest and most intellectually advanced" of all my siblings. I hate it when he categorizes me like that, I wish he would give my younger sister a chance to prove her stuff. But he never does; instead I'm always the one who get's all the tasks, all the assignments, and I have come to loathe being in a spotlight so much. Ditto! Even though I'm not the oldest. My dad and I have a pretty strong relationship, but my mom is more of the Denethor. She wants to know absolutely everything and when I say 'I don't know' she makes me cry because she keeps pressing me for the answer I don't have. It's like 'Mom, I don't know means I have no clue, etc...' So I'm both a Faramir and a Boromir. Really depends on my mom's mood. I have more of a Faramir personality, but I'm viewed more as a Boromir by my parents, or so it seems. I know this is for Denethor Dad's, but can Denthoras be included as well?

Page 1 of 2	All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/