Where are you from, Gone Riding? I'm from the Netherlands so I didn't notice the flaws
| Arwen-Undomiel.com http://arwen-undomiel.com/forum/ |
|
| English http://arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=11223 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Altariel [ September 23rd, 2006, 3:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | English |
I didn't really know where to put this so i'll just put it here i was wondering if you would read this diary i had to write for english and tell me how it sounds thanx Dear Diary, September 20th 1601 It's just after dawn and time for me to get up I have to be very quiet, so as not to wake up my mother and siblings I have a very large family which includes my mother Isabel my father Tobias my two sisters Alice and Clarence (She is going to be married soon) and my two twin brothers Edmund and Philip. As I get up I look around our little two room cottage. It's not much but its home the roof is made of straw and the floor is dirt but there is so much love that it doesn't matter. We have fallen upon hard times recently my mother is ill and my father works till he can't work anymore. I have taken up working at the Wallingford household as a stable boy I do not earn much only about 3 pounds a year but it helps with some of the costs of food and other stuff so I continue to do it. My father as usual has already left and has stoked the fire before he left so that we would be warm as we slept. When I wake up at night I can often see him bent over the fire keeping it going by adding more wood, or warming up some water and honey for my mother to drink to help ease the ach in her through and bones and the cough. The cough is what worries me the most it sounds so bad and she has lost so much weight. My mother was brought up a catholic and now days we are not supposed to be catholic we are supposed to be protestant and attend those kinds of churches but mother always taught us the catholic ways in the safety of our cottage. No one in our family can read so we have no books not even the bible. But mother says we don’t need to be able to read as long as we believe in God. When I first get up I put on some of my old cloths that my mother made for me so that I can go and gather some firewood to leave by the wood burning stove. When I come back inside my mother is awake and coughing so I warm her up some water and honey just like my father. Then I grab some bread and water for breakfast, we get served lunch at the house around midday and it is the best meal of the day. After I have eaten I go and get some water to wash off my face and hands. Then I get my good clothes that the lord and lady Wallingford gave me. I am very proud of them and try to keep them as clean as possible. First I pull on the beige long legged breaches and tucked them into my black boots. Next I put on the white shirt that goes underneath the green tunic. My tunic is green which is the livery colour of the household on the top right hand side; just above the breast is the Walligford family crest. A white horse rearing outlined in gold thread. My mother always comments how handsome I look in my work clothes and I flush with pride. As I walk out the door my mother calls goodbye. I am so very excited today because my dad said I may go to see a play today in the globe theatre, but I must first get permission from the lord and lady. I do hope they let me go. As I walk to the house I see my friend Thomas who lives two doors down. He is helping his father chop firewood and I stop briefly to say hello. Then I continue on my way, upon arriving at the Wallingford house (which looks more like a small palace to me) I pass the head serving man Alfred. He is a very Nice gentleman and always says hello to me. Then I continue to the stables to start my duties. First I water and Feed the horses, and then I turn them out into the fields and muck out their stalls and sweep the floors. My best friend Stephan also works at the stables and as we work we tell each other stories to help pass the time. A little later Stephan and I went to bring in the horses and to groom them to get rid of the mud and any burrs they may have picked up. It was going really good until I stepped in a pile of horse pooh. Then I had to go rinse off my boots. Finally it is lunch time we go to the kitchen to get some food. Today we have bread cheese and some very heavily watered wine. I am very lucky that I work for the Wallington household they believe a well feed happy servant does batter work than an ill fed happy servant but not all masters feel this way. After dinner I get tidied up and ask to speak with the lord and lady. They told me that I was allowed to take the afternoon off and go see the play. I am so excited. I am went and saw a Twelfth Night. It cost me a penny to get in and I had to stand to watch it. The group of people that had to stand were very rowdy and impolite. They would scream and shout and jeer at other people. We weren’t under a roof only the wealthy people can pay enough to get have the luxury of sitting and being under a roof. The show was really good the actors were amazing even though they were all males, even the women and girls were played by men and boys. I wish I could be an actor but I love my work especially since it involves horses. There weren’t many props or costumes so we had to use our imagination which was no problem for me because my mom always said I had an over active imagination. The only thing that didn’t go as planned was we had a little late afternoon shower it only lasted for a little while but it was enough for all of us standing to get wet because we had no roof all of the people sitting didn’t get wet which isn’t fair. After the play I returned home and helped gather some firewood for the stove so that my sister Clemence can make supper Alice who is only four is trying to help. Edmund and Phillip are out in the vegetable garden picking a cabbage to put in our stew. Supper tonight wasn’t much we had cabbage stew with a bit of bread and some water from the well. Am still hungry but it will do me no good to complain. That is just the life I was dealt and I’ve got to make the best of it my mother always says .As usual father did not get home until late the first thing he did as he walked in the door was to go and check on mother. (he’s always really tired when he gets home from work but he always checks on mom). After he checked on her and made sure she didn’t need anything he got some cabbage soup for himself with some bread. Shortly after Father got home Alice went to bed soon followed by the twins Edmund and Philip. We never get to see much of our father especially lately since he’s been working later and harder than ever. Clemence is 12 she gets to stay up the latest. Well it’s time for me to go to bed now. I’ve go another long and hard day tomorrow. Ambrose Smitheson |
|
| Author: | Anduril Vanlhach [ September 23rd, 2006, 4:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
well done but i noticed two errors a) There weren’t many props or costumes so we had to use our imagination which was no problem for me because my mom always said I had an over active imagination. b) I think your teacher would appreciate comma's even if your trying to write in period form then you should use comma's. You said your charecter can't read, so he can't write, and therefore you might as well use correct puncuation as its not ging to make a diffrence to the peice, only improve the way it flows. Apart from that i think its written well, theres lots of good description, and your historical facts are accurate, you get acrose the simplicity of the boy and the world he lived in, however once again i emphisis my point about commas, they will really help the peice. Well done, if you found any of my comments rude or you do not agree with them please do tell me. Anduril |
|
| Author: | Altariel [ September 25th, 2006, 5:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thank you so much for revieing it I know for a fact that I use run on sentences i'm horrible with grammer/spelling i would die if i didn'e have a computer with spell check |
|
| Author: | Eyalan [ September 25th, 2006, 9:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Where are you from, Gone Riding? I'm from the Netherlands so I didn't notice the flaws
|
|
| Author: | Altariel [ September 26th, 2006, 7:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I live in Canada. Do you write really different then or is it just the spelling like color (american) and colour? |
|
| Author: | Eyalan [ September 26th, 2006, 8:26 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Dutch is my native language, it goes like this: Heel vervelend dat jullie dit niet kunnen lezen, maar het maakt ook eigenlijk niets uit wat ik typ in dat geval... het typt wel weer even lekker snel moet ik zeggen. Weer een excuus om een heel verhaal op te gaan hangen natuurlijk, voor je het weet ben je een hele bladzijde verder en dat mag hier natuurlijk niet van de moddies, dus zal ik er maar mee stoppen nu het nog kan.
|
|
| Author: | Altariel [ September 27th, 2006, 3:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thta's so cool  don't know what it said but its awsome. the only other language in know is a bit of french ( i stopped taking it though casue i was rwally bad at it) and a bit of gealic cause most of my family lives in Ireland.
|
|
| Author: | Eyalan [ September 29th, 2006, 2:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Oh French is really hard to learn. I speak it, but not fluent. And since the French people are too stiff to adjust to us poor foreigners, that's not enough to have a decent conversation. 
I can also teach you some Dutch words that are much like English words, so you can say you also speak Dutch
Hello: Hallo (pronounce as you think it should be..) Good: Goed (pronounce like good, but then clear your throat at the G. Like Gollum would say it )
Telephone: Telefoon (just say telephone, but the first e like an English a) |
|
| Author: | Anduril Vanlhach [ September 30th, 2006, 3:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Konus tar to? (sp?) |
|
| Author: | Eyalan [ September 30th, 2006, 6:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Anduril Vanlhach wrote: Konus tar to? (sp?) What is that? 
|
|
| Author: | Anduril Vanlhach [ September 30th, 2006, 9:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
its gallic, i want to see if gone rideing replies. |
|
| Author: | Altariel [ September 30th, 2006, 11:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
sry i'm not realy sure what that is i'm not very good at it and can only say a couple words that i usae often enough when i visit most of the iem i speak english and so do my cousins. sry if i gave the wrong impresion. Gaelic is just as hard as French. Di duit mo ainm is Meaghan |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ] |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|