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 Post subject: By the Will of the Force (Star Wars fanfic)
PostPosted: November 12th, 2006, 9:11 pm 
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Okay, this will eventually be a very long story, and this is just a rough draft of the prologue, but I need opinions. Tell me how it sounds so far!




Eighteen-year-old Valinn Sasken stared out of the ship’s view port as they descended through Tellanroaegs’s atmosphere. It still amazed him just how peaceful a planet could look from above when in reality there was a war being fought on its surface.

“Reach out into the Force,” his master, Regarn Ledaren, instructed suddenly. “Tell me what you feel.”

“Yes, master,” Valinn replied quietly. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, the padawan stretched out with his senses to tap into the constant presence that was the Force. Today, however, the Force felt different. It was still the ocean of warmth and light he had grown so familiar with, but the usually-calm currents trembled with silent anticipation. All of it centered around an icy black void that pulsated with a life of its own, looking ready to devour at any moment.

“Valinn?”

The sound of his own name drew Valinn out of his trance. Rubbing his eyes to clear his vision, he looked over at his master. “Something’s…wrong,” he said, at a loss for a better word. “I sense…anticipation…hatred…betrayal-”

“It’s called war, kid,” Ailyn Viet interrupted from the pilot’s seat. “It may be wrong, but it’s not too uncommon. Nothing to get worked up about.”

Regarn’s blue eyes bore into the Twi’lek pilot as his attention shifted to her. Ailyn’s sharp wit had already proven a valuable asset, but unfortunately that wit came paired with an equally sharp tongue and cynical attitude- especially when it came to matters of the Force. “Perhaps it would be best if for once we all paid attention to the task at hand, hmm?” he suggested placidly. “Such as, say, piloting this ship?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Ailyn muttered, waving a hand dismissively as she turned to face the cockpit controls again. “This is ‘Jedi business.’”

Valinn shot her a sympathetic grin before looking back to his master; he’d received his own fair share of Master Ledaren’s lectures in the past seven years.

“As much as it pains me to say it, Padawan, she may be right,” Regarn continued, ignoring the derisive snort coming from the direction of their pilot. “Many things are uncertain during times of war. It is possible that you are merely detecting the many extremes that come with battle.”

“Perhaps, Master,” Valinn agree quietly. Turning to face the viewport again, he sighed inwardly. It didn’t feel like nothing.

“…Nonetheless, we must remain extra alert on this mission,” his master was saying. “Just in case.”

“I’m taking us down about twenty klicks from the medical facility,” Ailyn interrupted as the Deceptive Dawn began its descent. “From there, you’re on your own.”

“The Jedi Council will see to it that the credits are transferred to your account as soon as possible,” Regarn informed her offhandedly.

“You’re lucky I haven’t demanded more, what with all the complications along the way.”

The Jedi Master simply raised a wry eyebrow. “The Galaxy is forever indebted to you for you charity, Captain Viet.”

Ailyn lowered the boarding ramp as soon as the Dawn touched the planet’s surface. “You’re sure you’ve got a ride back to Coruscant after this?” she asked a bit awkwardly.

“We’re positive,” Regarn assured her with a slight bow. “Thank you for your services.”

“It was nothing,” Ailyn muttered, turning back to the cockpit’s controls.

Valinn hesitantly interrupted. “Master, we really ought to be going. The battle’s already begun, and they’ll need us.”

Regarn simply nodded in agreement and headed down the boarding ramp.

“Hey, Jedi,” they heard Ailyn call out just before the ramp closed behind them. “…May the Force be with you.”

--------------------

The next eight hours, Valinn decided, were the hardest he’d ever fought in his life. They were constantly either bombarding the Separatists or being bombarded themselves, often both at the same time with a healthy dose of battle droids thrown in to liven things up. It felt like a dream when the Separatist forces were finally driven into a retreat, and the medical facility was claimed for the Republic. As the troops began to celebrate, Valinn noticed Scrapper, the commander of that unit, stepping off to receive a classified transmission. Moments later, the clone returned, nodding to his subordinates. The Jedi only had fractions of a second to respond as the soldiers suddenly opened fire on them. Valinn only barely blocked several of the shots, and he felt the lower part of his left arm burning as a testament to the few un-deflected bolts. He saw Regarn receive a shot to the leg, though the Jedi Master didn’t seem slowed down by it at all. Glancing only briefly at each other, the Jedi took off running at the exact same time, deflection blaster bolts the whole way.

They ran for what felt like ages, each doing his best to ignore the injuries he’d sustained. The uneven terrain was making it even harder for the already-fatigued Jedi, and Valinn wasn’t certain how much longer they could last. Finally it proved too much, and they were forced to duck into a small, hidden cave to recover.

“Master, what’s gotten into them?” he asked quietly, struggling for breath.

“Most likely a programming glitch,” Regarn replied tersely. He closed his eyes momentarily as if searching for something, then turned back to his Padawan. “Ailyn is still waiting in the clearing,” he whispered. “When I give the word, I want you to run as hard and as fast as you can to that ship and take off.”

“But Master, what-”

“Valinn, listen to me,” Regarn said urgently, cutting him off. “You are to go directly to that ship. Do not worry about the soldiers; I’ll hold them off.”

“I won’t leave you, Master,” Valinn argued stubbornly.

For a second he thought that his master was going to rebuke him further, but instead the Jedi smiled sadly. “Only another path, death is,” he said solemnly, fondly quoting Master Yoda. “Mourn not those who pass into the Force.” Suddenly, he ignited his lightsaber, cutting off the young Jedi’s Padawan braid in the process. “Padawan Valinn Sasken, by the will of the Force, I dub thee Jedi, Knight of the Republic.” He started to say more, but was cut off by a sudden burst of blaster fire. “Go!”

A surge in the Force pushed Valinn in the direction of the clearing, while at the same time Regarn rushed out to face the clone troopers head-on. The sound of blaster fire continued to erupt behind him, but Valinn forced himself to keep running toward the Deceptive Dawn. The boarding ramp was already lowered, and the ship’s thrusters were engaged. Sprinting up the ramp, Valinn ignored the sick feeling that threatened to overcome his senses and hurried to the cockpit. “What are you still doing here?”

“Separatist blockade,” Ailyn explained tersely, not bothering to turn around as Valinn collapsed into the copilot chair. “I didn’t really want to risk the damage to the Dawn, but given the circumstances, I think I've changed my mind.” Frowning, she seemed to suddenly notice that he was alone. “Where’s Master Ledaren?”

“He stayed behind to fight off the clones,” Valinn replied numbly. “He said not to wait for him.”

The Twi’lek nodded imperceptibly and turned her attention back to getting them off the planet alive. The small ship rose smoothly into the air and gave them only the briefest glimpse of Regarn still fighting on the ground before it shot off into the atmosphere. “Now, mind telling me why the clones -who, by the way, were your allies last time I checked- were trying to kill you?” Ailyn asked mildly as soon as they were underway.

Valinn sighed wearily. “Your guess is as good as mine. They just suddenly-”

“Separatist blockade, coming up fast,” Ailyn interrupted tersely.

Groaning, Valinn muttered a few choice words that would have undoubtedly gotten him scolded if Master Ledaren were there. “Can you get us through?”

“Sure. I’ve faced worse,” she replied nonchalantly, flipping a few switches on the console. “It’s just gonna be really difficult. Are you Jedi always this popular?”

“Sometimes,” Valinn admitted dryly as sirens began blaring and several lights in the cockpit started flashing. “Though I must admit, I can’t recall the last time my allies and my enemies were trying to kill me.”

“First time for everything, huh? Prepare us for the jump to hyperspace. I’ve got to focus on evasive maneuvering.”

“Coordinates…?”

“Anywhere but here!” Ailyn exclaimed as the ship rocked from a particularly hard hit.

Valinn hurriedly typed in a set of coordinates and waited for the ship’s nav computer to calculate their route. After what seemed like an eternity, the screen flashed an affirmative, and the small ship shot off into hyperspace. Sighing in relief, Valinn sunk back into the chair and glanced down at his lap, realizing for the first time that he was still clutching his severed Padawan braid. As he stared down at the strand of hair, the reality of all that had just happened came crashing down on him, and the last thing Valinn remembered was deciding that sleep had never seemed so inviting…


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: November 12th, 2006, 10:13 pm 
Rider of Rohan
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Ooo good start, maybe add a bit more detail. But really like it. Can't wait for the story!

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PostPosted: November 13th, 2006, 10:06 am 
Elf
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Yay, another fanfic from potr! I would sugest a little more detail too, but you've got a great start!

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