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Post subject: Stranger *Edits name* :P  Posted: September 30th, 2006, 11:36 am |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Stranger.
What would I see if I looked through your eyes?
Would it be dark as the night skies?
Or would it be bright shining out love,
Like radiant rays from the bright sun above?
Why is it always so hard just to see,
See through your eyes what you want me to be?
Why can't I read you, your a mystery to me,
Why can't I see what you want me to be?!
Do you look onward and hope for the day,
I will give in and you hear me say?
"I'll do what you want even if it's not fair,"
"I'm at the point where I don't really care."
Or do you look down and condemn me each day,
Wishing to scold as I go on my way.
Or perhaps in some mysterious way,
You actually are proud but you just never say.
I stand there and stair time after time,
The look in your eye says that I did the crime.
I touch your cold heart and all that I see,
Is yourself condemning me.
A tear runs down this cheek of mine,
Leaving there an ever faint line.
A tear runs down your cheek as well,
At the same time the tear drops fell.
I walk to the left you take the same path,
When I get angry you build up wrath.
I look in your eyes and I see my fear,
So why can't I read you... Stranger in the mirror!
Last edited by Jax Nova on October 2nd, 2006, 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post subject: Posted: September 30th, 2006, 11:44 am |
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Joined: 19 September 2006
Posts: 2126
Location: england
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hey! i really like it. maybe you could come up with a different title though - i love the way the poem seems to be directed at someone else and then turns back on the poet at the end, but the title kind of prefigures that so some of the impact it lost. just a thought. it's a great poem though.
_________________ <center> 
**MY BOOK**
~ proud to be a shieldmaiden for christ ~</center>
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Post subject: Posted: September 30th, 2006, 1:38 pm |
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Joined: 10 December 2005
Posts: 1317
Location: Watching you. ALL THE TIME.
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Post subject: Posted: October 2nd, 2006, 3:28 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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eowyn of ithilien wrote: hey! i really like it. maybe you could come up with a different title though - i love the way the poem seems to be directed at someone else and then turns back on the poet at the end, but the title kind of prefigures that so some of the impact it lost. just a thought. it's a great poem though. yeah I thought of that myself when I gave it the title... but I was unsure whether to change it or not. But glad you liked it. Captain Jack wrote: I like it! It's a great poem! ^_^
Thanks.  Glad you liked it as well.
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Post subject: Posted: October 2nd, 2006, 6:12 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006
Posts: 3132
Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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OMG I LUV IT!!! I wasnt expecting it 2 be u at all.......ur image in the mirror!! AHH!! this is so good, & a GREAT idea!!  _________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: October 3rd, 2006, 1:48 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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lol thanks. Glad you liked it.
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Post subject: Posted: October 3rd, 2006, 4:09 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006
Posts: 3132
Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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sure thing! I wanted 2 type more last night, but Mom started yelling at me to get off. lol  I wanted to say that it was an awesome idea & that I luvd the way u wrote it.....the suspense builds & builds & u wanna know who it is........except u don't really realize it....does that make sense? prob. not, but i dont know any other way to describe it. lol Keep up the good work!!  _________________
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: October 4th, 2006, 6:42 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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lol don't worry it makes sense to me. And thanks, I'll do my best.
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Post subject: Posted: October 4th, 2006, 9:40 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006
Posts: 3132
Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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ur welcum! _________________
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: October 6th, 2006, 7:52 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005
Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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I like it!! Very good perspective. Well written too, as always.
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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