I'm sorry for this. If you're a Tolkien purist you may not want to read.
If you don't mind a bit of messing around, though, have a go at it. Nothing shippy, just ... well, crack, really.
At FF.net (I can upload it to Livejournal, too, if anyone wants/needs that) -
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7637064/1/S ... eap_Tricks