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Post subject: All my poetry  Posted: June 16th, 2006, 11:49 am |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Well i wrote a poem...tell me what you think, Criticize me as much as you like
[font=Arial, sans-serif]So young[/font]
You were crying out
Looked so so alone
Why didn't you give up
And come back home
Only fourteen, So young
Look onto my Saviour
And in him, you'll be strong
Stronger then you think
He is there for you every day
Don't turn from him again
Don't...i say, don't turn away
Be strong every single day
Don't believe those liars
They will tear you apart
Will they be there for you
As your dear life falls apart
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Last edited by lady_E on July 27th, 2006, 4:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Post subject: Posted: June 20th, 2006, 5:20 am |
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Joined: 24 June 2005
Posts: 3759
Location: Berlin
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Gender: Female
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I really like what this poem is about and you expressed it very well 
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Post subject: Posted: June 20th, 2006, 8:51 am |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Thanks  _________________ <a href="http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20020" target="_blank"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2ias6qf.jpg" border="0" alt="COME AND REQUEST SOME PHOTOS, OR JUST BROWSE"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: June 20th, 2006, 11:21 am |
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Joined: 24 June 2005
Posts: 3759
Location: Berlin
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np, I think it's an important topic and that's what I really like
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Post subject: Posted: June 26th, 2006, 1:58 pm |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Thanks again
Here's another poem!
Met you when i was 10
You were my best friend
Now the years have past
Sadly our friendship didn't last
We went our own separate ways
But i still pray for you everyday
If i had one wish for single you
You wouldn't know what to do
You have been a part of my life
But you filled it up with alot of strife
One day we will see each other again
Maybe we will call each other, friends
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Last edited by lady_E on June 27th, 2006, 2:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post subject: Posted: June 26th, 2006, 3:09 pm |
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Joined: 14 June 2006
Posts: 47
Location: Legends Place
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Nice poems, but in the last sentences I think you forgot the words
"we" and "each"
One day we will see each other again
Maybe we will call eachother, friends
Sounds a little weird without 'em 
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2006, 2:54 pm |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Calathiel wrote: Nice poems, but in the last sentences I think you forgot the words "we" and "each" One day we will see each other again Maybe we will call eachother, friends Sounds a little weird without 'em Thanks *goes off to edit poem* _________________ <a href="http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20020" target="_blank"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2ias6qf.jpg" border="0" alt="COME AND REQUEST SOME PHOTOS, OR JUST BROWSE"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2006, 3:11 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 11221
Location: In a world of magic and mystery
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Gender: Female
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Wow, I love both poems lady_Ëarwen. I love how you captured the emotions so well in both poems. Great work!  _________________ 
AWESOME set by the AMAZING Lembas!!!
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2006, 3:36 pm |
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Joined: 24 June 2005
Posts: 3759
Location: Berlin
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wow a very beautiful poem again with a very nice topic. Great job lady_Eärwen, I love your poems
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Post subject: Posted: June 28th, 2006, 8:06 am |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Aww, thanks you two _________________ <a href="http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20020" target="_blank"><img src="http://i43.tinypic.com/2ias6qf.jpg" border="0" alt="COME AND REQUEST SOME PHOTOS, OR JUST BROWSE"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: July 2nd, 2006, 7:23 pm |
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you're poems are really great - you should be writing more. you're not afraid to use "big words", which is great cause it gives the poem depth
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Post subject: Posted: July 3rd, 2006, 8:24 am |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Thank you so much for all the comments you guys, maybe i shall write more poetry
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Post subject: Posted: July 3rd, 2006, 6:20 pm |
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Post subject: Posted: July 4th, 2006, 2:48 pm |
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Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2198
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Ok
[EDIT] I wote a poem about Arwen and Aragorn, as you may see Arwen is the narrator [/EDIT]
So dark, so weary
So tired of trying
Just want to give up
As i lay here dying
Will i ever see you again
Will we always be apart
When you went away
You broke my heart
Tonight will you dream
Will you dream of me
I will dream of you
Of what we used to be
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Last edited by lady_E on July 5th, 2006, 2:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post subject: Posted: July 4th, 2006, 4:22 pm |
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Joined: 24 June 2005
Posts: 3759
Location: Berlin
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wow, sooo beautiful, I really DO like it..
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Post subject: Posted: July 4th, 2006, 4:32 pm |
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it's really beautiful, but there's kinda something wrong in the last verse. you have dream - me - be - me, which might sound a bit.. you know... odd, if you think about your rhyming in the other verses. just a tip - other than that it's great
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