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Post subject: The Silmarillion in 1,000 words  Posted: June 26th, 2005, 3:32 pm |
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Joined: 19 June 2005
Posts: 58
Location: Neenah, WI
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I found this in a LiveJournal last night and laughed so stinking hard while reading it. I thought you all would enjoy it. 
OOH, SHINY!
Source
AINULINDALE:
ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.
VALAQUENTA:
MANWE: I'm in charge!
VARDA: I'm Manwe's spouse. And queen of the stars!
NAMO: I do death and fate. They call me Mandos.
VAIRE: I'm Namo's spouse. I weave things.
IRMO: I have gardens. They call me Lorien.
ESTE: I'm Irmo's spouse. I take care of the gardens.
YAVANNA: I make things grow.
NIENNA: I'm sad.
ULMO: I live in the ocean.
AULE: I'm Yavanna's spouse. I've got a great big hammer! I made dwarves.
NESSA: I dance.
OROME: I hunt!
VANA: I'm Orome's spouse. I make living things happy.
TULKAS: I'm strong. I'm Nessa's spouse. I got here last.
MELKOR: I'm bad, momma, I'm ONE BAD MUTHA-
TULKAS: Grar.
MELKOR: Um. Yeah. Hiding now.
QUENTA SILMARILLION:
VALAR: Hey! Ilmaren! Party on the island, everyone!
MELKOR: Bah. Too bright. *builds fortress, kicks over lamps*
VALAR: AUGH! *flee to west*
MELKOR: Hu hu hu.
VALAR: Oooooh SHINY TREES! Yavanna made shiny trees!
YAVANNA: Yep! Aren't they pretty?
MELKOR: Want shiny.
VALAR: Nope.
MELKOR: Why not?
VALAR: Because you're a jerk.
ELVES: Oh hey, stars. Shiny!
MELKOR: Oh hey, breeding stock.
ELVES: AUGH!
UNGOLIANT: Want shiny.
MELKOR: Let's go get shiny.
FEANOR: I've made more shiny!
VALAR: Good, 'cos Melkor took ours. Can we have yours?
FEANOR: No! MY SHINIES! MINE!
VALAR: Aw, !&*()!@&)!(&.
MELKOR: Got the shinies!
UNGOLIANT: Not enough shiny. Want more shiny!
MELKOR: You can't have 'em.
UNGOLIANT: Grar.
MELKOR: Eeek! *runs*
FEANOR AND SONS: We're gettin' our shinies back. And YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM, Valar!
MELKOR/MORGOTH: No you're not. *stabbity fiery burny death*
BEREN: Ooo! Pretty elf lady!
THINGOL: You can have her if you ... BRING ME A SHINY!
BEREN: Worth a shot.
LUTHIEN: La la la
MORGOTH: Ooo baby... *zzz*
BEREN: Got your shiny!
MORGOTH: you *beep*! I stole those fair and square!
CARCHAROTH: Grar.
BEREN: Ow!
THINGOL: Got the shiny?
BEREN: 's in my hand.
THINGOL: And?
BEREN: Hand's not here.
THINGOL: Crap, I really wanted that shiny.
CARCHAROTH: GRAR!!!!
BEREN: *dies*
LUTHIEN: *dies* La la la.
MANDOS: ... oh all right.
LUTHIEN: *returns to life*
BEREN: *returns to life*
LUTHIEN: Beren! Look! The shiny! In a necklace!
FEANOR'S SONS: *mutter*
LUTHIEN: *dies again*
BEREN: *dies again*
DIOR: Oo, Mom's shiny!
FEANOR'S SONS: WANT SHINY!
DIOR: *dies*
ELWING: Eek! *grabs shiny, runs*
FEANOR'S SONS: !*&(!)&)*!.
EARENDIL: Hey. Nice shiny. Yo! Valar!
VALAR: Well FINALLY. *stomp stomp stomp*
EARENDIL: Wow, planetary orbit!
MORGOTH: Eek!
VALAR: Got your shinies!
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: You mean OUR shinies!
VALAR: Oh *!&(!&).
MAGLOR AND MAEDHROS: Ow! Burny shinies!
MAEDHROS: Fine. This sucks. *jumps into chasm*
MAGLOR: Um... not really looking forward to meeting Dad again... *chucks shiny into sea* Bye. *wanders off*
VALAR: Well... um... okay.
AKALLABETH:
VALAR: Thanks for helping with Morgoth, Edain! Have an island! Elros is in charge!
EDAIN: Cool!
VALAR: Don't come looking for us.
EDAIN: Okay.
ELVES OF TOL ERESSEA: Have our stuff!
NUMENOREANS: Neat! Ooo, Middle-Earth!
GIL-GALAD: Dudes. Good to see you.
NUMENOREANS: Yeah, same here. What's going on?
GIL-GALAD: War with Sauron mostly.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Shiny tall wonderful wise sea-king dudes! Yay!
NUMENOREANS: Here, have some stuff and wisdom.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: <3 <3 <3
NUMENOREANS: Life is cool. Why do we have to die?
ELVES: You're human?
NUMENOREANS: Can the Valar fix that?
VALAR: No.
NUMENOREANS: That sucks. Go away.
ELVES: Fine.
ELENDILI: Hey! Over here! We still like you!
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Gosh, we're lonely.
NUMENOREANS: Whatever, give us your wealth and your children.
MEN OF MIDDLE-EARTH: Um, okay.
ELENDILI: This isn't gonna end well, is it?
ELVES: No.
TAR-PALANTIR: We're sorry?
GIMILKHAD: *I'm* not.
AR-PHARAZON: Thanks for the throne, dude.
TAR-MIRIEL: Hey!
AR-PHARAZON: Shaddap, woman. Sauron, j00 suxx0r! I 0wnz0r j00!
SAURON: Okay.
AR-PHARAZON: Make me immortal.
SAURON: Human sacrifice is good. Also burn that pesky white tree.
AR-PHARAZON: Um. . .
ISILDUR: Hey! White tree! Got your fruit!
SAURON: *makes chicken noises*
AR-PHARAZON: Fine. Tree burn! Fire pretty!
ELENDIL: Isildur, Anarion, get the boats.
AR-PHARAZON: I've got a huge navy! Let's go conquer Valinor!
VALAR: Oh no you don't. *CRASHBANGBOOM*
AR-PHARAZON & CO.: Eeek!
ELENDIL, ISILDUR, ANARION: Wheee!
NUMENOREANS: Arrgh!
NUMENOR: SPLOOSH.
SAURON: Bwa ha ha! Um, where's my body?
ILUVATAR: Did I mention the world is round now?
NUMENOREANS IN EXILE: Well.
OF THE RINGS OF POWER AND THE THIRD AGE:
ELVES: Wonder what's going on over the ocean. This crafting deal is pretty sweet, though!
DWARVES: Yeah, seriously.
ANNATAR: Hi, elves! Wanna learn some cool stuff?
ELVES: Okay!
SAURON: They fell for it.
SEVEN DWARVES: Thanks for the rings! . . oooh, GOLD! MUST HAVE GOLD!
NINE MEN: Neat rings. . . Hey, didn't Mom die like six hundred years ago?
CELEBRIMBOR: Okay, how about we do three more and call it a wrap?
SAURON: How about I do one more and claim them ALL?
ELVES: AUGH!
SAURON: Bwa ha ha!
LAST ALLIANCE OF ELVES AND MEN: Push off.
SAURON: Make me.
ISILDUR: Whack.
SAURON: Ow.
ELROND: Hey, you got his ring. Let's ditch it.
ISILDUR: No.
ELROND: This sucks.
ISILDUR: Tell me about it. *dies*
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
CIRDAN: Hi, wizards! You in the grey, catch!
SAURON: Okay, that's long enough. Movin' into Dol Guldur.
SARUMAN: It's not him. Also the ring's lost at sea.
RING: No I'm not.
THE WISE: Augh.
THE WEAK: Bad ring! Volcano for you!
RING: *melts*
SAURON: AUGH!
MORDOR: BOOM.
GONDORIANS: *change calendar*
ELROND, GALADRIEL: Road trip!
GANDALF: Hi Cirdan! Still got your ring!
CIRDAN: Cool. Let's go to Valinor!
_________________ 
Avatar and sig made by me. // I take requests.
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Post subject: Posted: June 26th, 2005, 4:03 pm |
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Eä |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 12592
Gender: Female
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*Laughs* Laughs some more* Very funny *Rolling on the floor laughing*
Especially Ainulindalë is great!!  _________________ >>Be the change you wish to see in the world<<
Banner credit: Shadowcat & Nurrantiel Mashiara
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Post subject: Posted: June 26th, 2005, 8:18 pm |
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Joined: 03 June 2005
Posts: 5602
Location: Canada
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That's great! Sums it up just perfectly...
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Proud Member of the The Evilishy Nazgûl Alliance for World Domination
{Beri}
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2005, 3:59 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 2671
Location: the Netherlands
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2005, 7:03 pm |
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Joined: 03 June 2005
Posts: 13144
Location: Heaven: Rockin' with Severus Snape
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*falls out of chair laughing* HAHAHAHAHAHA thats so funny, I love it. they summed it up perfectly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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Post subject: Posted: June 27th, 2005, 11:59 pm |
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Joined: 05 June 2005
Posts: 176
Location: Middle of Nowhere
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HEEHEE AHAHAHAHA 
That was great!! Even though the second half of Quenta Silmarillion and all of Akallabeth didn't make very much sense to me b/c I still haven't finished the Silmarillion. (hey I've been busy!) I especially really enjoyed Ainulindale. Very good summery! _________________ 
 :rain::roll::sorcerer::stab::whistle::guitar:
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Post subject: Posted: June 28th, 2005, 3:42 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 1904
Location: Wandering the Haradwaith...
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*giggles insanely for hours* ahahahahahaha the first sections are the best!!!
_________________ (Became a Valar on 16/06/05!)
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Post subject: Posted: June 28th, 2005, 10:02 pm |
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Joined: 03 June 2005
Posts: 13144
Location: Heaven: Rockin' with Severus Snape
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Gender: Female
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I love this part:
ILUVATAR: Ahem.
AINUR: Wow! Existence!
ILUVATAR: *blows pitch pipe* LA!
AINUR: LA LA LA!
ILUVATAR: LA LA!
AINUR: LA LA!
MELKOR: This sucks. BUM BUM BA DUM!
AINUR: Um. . . la?
ILUVATAR: Ahem. LA!
MELKOR: Boop bop-a-doo-bop!
ILUVATAR: LA, dammit.
MELKOR: Bwam bardle ningle boom.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: Right, you're out of the band.
MELKOR: Fine, I was leaving anyway.
AINUR: . . .
ILUVATAR: What are you waiting for?
AINUR: Oh. Right. Newly created world. Sorry. Great jam session, big guy!
ILUVATAR: Yeesh.
It's soooooooooo funny!!!!HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! 
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Post subject: Posted: June 29th, 2005, 2:49 am |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 1904
Location: Wandering the Haradwaith...
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*giggles insanely again* also that part about Feanor:
*stabbity fiery burny death*
ahahaha so funny!
_________________ (Became a Valar on 16/06/05!)
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Post subject: Posted: June 29th, 2005, 2:25 pm |
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Joined: 08 June 2005
Posts: 390
Location: Doriath
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Yeah, I've already seen this one (and of course read it), and it's hilarious! I really love this one. *bookmarks source*
_________________ 
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Post subject: Posted: June 29th, 2005, 3:53 pm |
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Joined: 03 June 2005
Posts: 13144
Location: Heaven: Rockin' with Severus Snape
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Tirelen Hentaurë wrote: *giggles insanely again* also that part about Feanor:
*stabbity fiery burny death*
ahahaha so funny!
I luv it!!!!!!!!!
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Post subject: Posted: June 29th, 2005, 8:17 pm |
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Joined: 08 June 2005
Posts: 390
Location: Doriath
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I like reading and reading it over and over again  _________________
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Post subject: Posted: June 29th, 2005, 8:21 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 875
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....................... HA!!!!!!!!
That was great.  _________________ <a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/IdrilFalastari/?action=view¤t=StrangerThanYouDreamtit.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/IdrilFalastari/StrangerThanYouDreamtit.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: July 3rd, 2005, 11:59 am |
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OMG this is just amazing!! I enjoyed reading all the stories. My fav is AINULINDALE - quite small but funniest for me...
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Post subject: Posted: July 6th, 2005, 6:43 pm |
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Joined: 10 June 2005
Posts: 1871
Location: Minas Tirith
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Still laguhing! Told a couple of my pals about it.
_________________  Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step Joni Erickson Tada
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Post subject: Posted: July 9th, 2005, 10:42 am |
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Joined: 09 July 2005
Posts: 9460
Location: in the temple of love
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LoL *falls off chair*
_________________
<center>[font=Times New Roman]<img src="http://tinyurl.com/63ongu"><br><br>From sorrow & pain I find my strength ... the more pain I feel, the more I see /// July the 4th 2008, first day of my life...<br><br>I met Eru on September 5th 2006 ♥ (and April 15th 2008!)<br><br>Censorship Causes Blindness</center>[/font]
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