The Lord of the Rings, or The Muppets Take Mordor
By Ghost of Ann Landers


(The Muppets opening theme song for those of you who remember. Sing along if you like.)

It's time to pack the lembas,
It's time to fight the fights,
It's time to walk to Mordor with the Fellowship tonight.

Orcs: It's time to put on chain mail,
It's time to dress up right,
It's time to give the business to the Fellowship tonight.

Gandalf: Why did we ever come here? (whacks Saruman)

Saruman: I guess we'll never know. (grabs Gandalf's beard)

Gandalf: It's like a kind of torture (pokes Saruman in the eye)

Both: To have to watch this show! (Saruman pushes Gandalf off the balcony)

Gollum (screams) "My Precioussss!"

(Gollum makes a run at Frodo, but he gets trampled by Dwarves, the Nazgul, Three Ents and some Gondorian sheep)

Sheep: Baaaaaaa!

Fellowship: And now let's get things started...

The Dead Men of Dunharrow: Why don't you get things started?

Frodo: It's time to get things started

All: On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Tolkien-ational --
This - is - what - we - call - the - Hobbit - Show!

(Boromir blows his horn, then gets hacked to death by orcs)