Amidst the whirl of time and space,
Across the stormy sea,
There yet remains a single place
Unknown to mortality.

Upon its golden shores there dwell
A people tall and fair,
They gambol over hill and dell
With roses in their hair.

When at last they reach the spot
Where their merry dance shall be,
Up there rides with a trot-trot-trot
The merry king and queen, carefree.

The king in all his ruddy splendor
And the queen in her bright dress
Clap their hands to call together
One and all, in happiness.

Soon there starts the gleeful dancing,
All the night they dance away,
While the stars join in the whirling,
Twirling 'till the break of day.


There it is, The Ner's first poem on here.
I know it isn't very good, so I would like to know how I can do better. Your comments are greatly appreciated!

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Not bad at all, Neri!! I really enjoyed it actually. All of the tiny glitches will go away with practice.

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"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."

Thank you both very much! I really appreciate the comments.

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Banner from Nellie

Nie write, and nice read. The one stanza already pointed out didn't flow quite as well as the others. But reading it over and knowing "how to read it" after the second time through it flowed easyer.

But like arwen said those things will be ironed out with practice but even then... your always going to write some stuff that doesn't flow good.

All in all nice job

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Thanks Jax!

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