I owe you a major apologoy, Eruraina. I thought I had posted this months ago. I'm really, really sorry. I should have checked to make sure.
At long last, my editorial remarks are in
orange.
Eruraina wrote:
He was on the top of a white mountains, and was surrounded by many smaller ones, and was facing the horizon.
Little thing here. You said “on top of a…mountains.” “Mountains” is plural, and “a” would suggest singular. Eruraina wrote:
So Donwin just sat down on a rock, with his back against a small cliff, and decided to rest there until morning, hoping nothing would go bump in the night.
Hmm, the sentence “hoping nothing would go bump in the night” is a little confusing. Eruraina wrote:
Tresha slowly sat up, and looked down at her cloths.
Just missed an “e” in “cloths”. No biggie.Eruraina wrote:
She wore nothing but a deep green dress that went to her knees and seemed to be made of vines and leaves.
Just a little thing here; the sentence structure here is fine, but you need a dash between “deep” and “green”.Eruraina wrote:
Yet it was thin and soft to the touch.
I would recommend putting a comma at the end of the previous sentence and joining this one to another. But you don’t have to. Eruraina wrote:
Tresha got to her feet, which were bare, and looked around carefully. She could see nothing but forest in any direction. The trees were young and old, big and little, tall and short.
Maybe instead of “big and little” you could use “thick and thin”? “Big” and “tall” and “little” and “short” are technically synonyms.Eruraina wrote:
"Don't go"
You just forgot the period at the end of the sentence. Eruraina wrote:
"Help us"
Same thing here. No big deal.Eruraina wrote:
She was alone, in a strange forest, and someone had changed her cloths.
Again, just forgot the “e” in “cloths”.Eruraina wrote:
That's diffinantly it.
Just a tiny thing here. You misspelled “definitely”.Eruraina wrote:
"I have no idea what's going on, or where I am. This is all funky," he almost lost his balance, and stepped on a sharp stone with his bare foot.
One little thing here. The sentence after the quotes doesn’t need to be connected to the previous sentence because it’s not a sentence like, “she said”. I hope that made sense…[confused]Eruraina wrote:
He checked for any pointy rocks that might stab him, then layed down on his back to rest until nightfall.
One tiny thing here. “Layed” should be spelled “laid”.Eruraina wrote:
No dancing mushrooms, no pirate riding a motor cycle.
Haha! That’s great!Eruraina wrote:
This aught to be interesting.
You have the Old English version there. For your purposes, it’s spelled with an “o” rather than an “a”.Eruraina wrote:
She continued on toward the tower, starting to wonder if there were any other people on the island. Soon it became dark, and Eretwa had come half way to the tower, now walking on what seemed an endless grassy plain.
I would advise against the repetitive use of the word “tower”.Eruraina wrote:
Eretwa sat down on an exceptionally soft bit of grass and rested. Her soft, light blue, seamless dress
Just a little thing here - you don’t need the comma after “light blue”.Eruraina wrote:
she wore seemed to be unable to dry. It was just as wet feeling as when she was in the water, even though her long hair had already dried by now. Eretwa was worried she'd freeze to death before morning.
"Oh well, I might as well rest. Stumbling in the dark sounds no better than staying in one place, and both have the possibility of me freezing," she said, and layed back on the ground, and watched as one by one the stars came out.
A little spelling mistake here; “layed” is actually spelled as “laid”.Eruraina wrote:
]He was on the top of a white mountains, and was surrounded by many smaller ones, and was facing the horizon.
Little thing here. You said "on top of a…mountains." "Mountains" is plural, and "a" would suggest singular. Eruraina wrote:
So Donwin just sat down on a rock, with his back against a small cliff, and decided to rest there until morning, hoping nothing would go bump in the night.
Hmm, the sentence "hoping nothing would go bump in the night" is a little confusing. Eruraina wrote:
Tresha slowly sat up, and looked down at her cloths.
Just missed an "e" in "cloths". No biggie. JEruraina wrote:
She wore nothing but a deep green dress that went to her knees and seemed to be made of vines and leaves.
Just a little thing here; the sentence structure here is fine, but you need a dash between "deep" and "green".Eruraina wrote:
Yet it was thin and soft to the touch.
I would recommend putting a comma at the end of the previous sentence and joining this one to another. But you don’t have to. Eruraina wrote:
Tresha got to her feet, which were bare, and looked around carefully. She could see nothing but forest in any direction. The trees were young and old, big and little, tall and short.
Maybe instead of "big and little" you could use "thick and thin"? "Big" and "tall" and "little" and "short" are technically synonyms.Eruraina wrote:
"Don't go"
You just forgot the period at the end of the sentence. Eruraina wrote:
"Help us"
Same thing here. No big deal.Eruraina wrote:
She was alone, in a strange forest, and someone had changed her cloths.
Again, just forgot the "e" in "cloths".Eruraina wrote:
That's diffinantly it.
Just a tiny thing here. You misspelled "definitely".Eruraina wrote:
"I have no idea what's going on, or where I am. This is all funky," he almost lost his balance, and stepped on a sharp stone with his bare foot.
One little thing here. The sentence after the quotes doesn’t need to be connected to the previous sentence because it’s not a sentence like, "she said". I hope that made sense…[confused]Eruraina wrote:
He checked for any pointy rocks that might stab him, then layed down on his back to rest until nightfall.
One tiny thing here. "Layed" should be spelled "laid".Eruraina wrote:
No dancing mushrooms, no pirate riding a motor cycle.
Haha! That’s great!Eruraina wrote:
This aught to be interesting.
You have the Old English version there. For your purposes, it’s spelled with an "o" rather than an "a".Eruraina wrote:
She continued on toward the tower, starting to wonder if there were any other people on the island. Soon it became dark, and Eretwa had come half way to the tower, now walking on what seemed an endless grassy plain.
I would advise against the repetitive use of the word "tower".Eruraina wrote:
Eretwa sat down on an exceptionally soft bit of grass and rested. Her soft, light blue, seamless dress
Just a little thing here - you don’t need the comma after "light blue".Eruraina wrote:
she wore seemed to be unable to dry. It was just as wet feeling as when she was in the water, even though her long hair had already dried by now. Eretwa was worried she'd freeze to death before morning.
"Oh well, I might as well rest. Stumbling in the dark sounds no better than staying in one place, and both have the possibility of me freezing," she said, and layed back on the ground, and watched as one by one the stars came out.
A little spelling mistake here; "layed" is actually spelled as "laid".Eruraina wrote:
The first to reach the tower was Tresha, who stood at it's base and looked up to try and find the top. The end of the pinnacle of stone was lost in the swaying clouds that moved slowly in an invisible breeze. The base of the tower was ten feet wide at least, and looked like it had roots like it grew out of the ground. Two golden double doors loomed over Tresha. One door held the carving of a beautiful angle with feathered wings and a golden glowing halo. She held in her hand a silver sword. On the other stood a menacing creature with the head of a wolf, horns of a ram, upper body and arms of a man, lower body and legs of a horse, and a tail like a snake. Upon it's back were spikes and scales, and here and there black markings. The image of the creature made goose bumps crawl down Tresha's spine. Both doors had door handles close to the ground like dragon heads with a ring coming out of it's mouth.
Very good description!Eruraina wrote:
Tresha was so intent on staring at the tower that when she felt something touch her shoulder she jumped three feet in the air and screamed; "I didn't do anything! Don't kill me, I just want to find a way..." Tresha stopped when she realized it was just a boy. He was younger than her by two years and had strange gray eyes. Donwin stood there with a shocked expression on his face for a second, but then it went emotionless.
"Find a way where?" He asked Tresha.
Little thing here. "He asked Tresha" should actually have a lowercase "H" because it’s a continuation of the words in the quotation marks. "Find a way where?" on its own is a sentence fragment. Eruraina wrote:
"Find a way home," she replied. "I live in LA California. You know, Earth? Do you think you could help me?" Donwin just shook his head, making Tresha loose her composure for a second. Then she straightened her back.
Perhaps you could explain what she did to loose her composure; what she was doing with her body, what she was thinking, for example.Eruraina wrote:
"Then, if you can't help me, do you know who can? And who are you?" she questioned, the usual Tresha edge coming to her voice.
"I don't know, I'm from planet Earth as well," he replied, walking past her and examining the door. "And the name's Donwin."
"Oh... I'm Tresha, as in tree then shah almost like Terisa, but not exactly," Tresha replied,
I believe you were trying to spell Teresa? If not, my mistake.[/quote]
Eruraina wrote:
turning to stare at the back of Donwin's head and noticed a mark on his back shoulder blade that was like a line curling upward like a gust of wind. "What's that?"
"What's what?"
"That mark, on your back."
"That? That's a birthmark. Strange, I know. No need to tell me."
"No, I have one like that on the inside of my thigh, only it's like a rectangular spiral."
"An why would I care?"
[color=orange]Just forgot the "D" in "and".Eruraina wrote:
"Well... I don't know. But we might as well get to know each other seeing we're..."
"Not the only two humans on this island," Donwin interrupted. He had turned to watch as another girl walked around the tower, seemingly out of breath and shivering. Tresha followed his gaze and gasped.
"Hey you, over there, are you alright?" Tresha called, and Eretwa looked up, and started running toward them, the whole time trying to keep the skirt down.
"Alright you ask? Well, I'm cold, hungry, and this too short dress won't seem to dry.
The "too short dress" should technically be "too-short". Just a little style thing.Eruraina wrote:
But thank the Lord I'm not all alone here. Are you...?" Eretwa asked, tilting her head a little.
"We're not from here, we're from Earth," answered Donwin, who guessed what Eretwa's question was going to be.
"Oh, and you probably have no idea how to get back. But I bet the way home is through this tower. From what I read from that book that I think brought me here, this is the only thing that it didn't talk about," Eretwa said, seeming to be cheerful for being hungry, cold, and having a dress that won't dry.
"A book?" Donwin murmured. "Leather bound, old looking, and titled Onercs?"
"Yeah, that's it. Oh, I'm Eretwa, by the way," she said with a friendly smile.
"Hey, I got here by a book too. The leather looked like a stylish green, and this darkness poured out of it and then I woke up here. Wait... Eretwa?" It was Tresha's turn to tilt her head.
"No, the w is silent. And, what are you're names?"
"I'm Tresha, like tree shah, almost like Teresa, mind you. And that's Donwin, or as he says," Tresha replied, pointing her thumb.
"Tresha, Donwin, and Eretwa. Well, none of them are as weird as Recfir. Which, that'd be me, dudes," the three jumped as a fourth person walked up. Recfir, who was the tallest there by a few inches, and scraped up and cold, smiled at the rest. "Couldn't help but over hear most of you guys' conversation. Before you ask, I'm from Florida, which would be Earth if you didn't know your geography. Not like I pay attention to that in class. And it's that Onercs book that the redhead chick talked about that got me here."
The other three stared at him for awhile in silence. Donwin was the first to say or do anything.
"What ever,"
Whatever is one word.Eruraina wrote:
he said, and turned, and grabbed the door handle on the door with the angle. He pushed and for a few seconds nothing happened, then the door slowly opened with a squeak. Inside was the start of a stairway that went all the way to the top of the tower, but from the bottom, the top was invisible. It was lighted by torches that lined the walls. They either held blue, green, red, or gray fire, but never just a regular orange and yellow flame. Donwin stepped inside, the padding of his bare feet on the tile floor echoing through the heart of the tower.
"Wow," was all Tresha could say as she entered the tower. Eretwa was still looking Recfir up and down.
"What are you looking at me for?" he asked.
"Are you alright? You're all scraped up," she said with a concerned frown.
"I'm alright, I've had worse. I just took a little tumble down the side of a volcano when I first got here for the fun of it," Recfir replied sarcastically and with a smile to go along with it, and stepped inside the tower after the other two. Eretwa followed the rest after a moment's thought.
"Why us, I wonder," she said to herself, looking around. Donwin was already starting to climb the stairs. "What links us other than our weird names?"
"Eye color. Red, blue, gray, green.
Just a little problem here; those two sentences are fragments. I would suggest editing the first sentence and then adding the eye colours to the first sentence.Eruraina wrote:
Just like the fires on the wall, dude," was Recfir's reply.
"Well, Donwin and I have these strange birthmarks. You can see his on his back. Mine's here on my thigh," Tresha said, lifting her leg slightly and turning it to show them.
"I have one on my neck that looks like two waves," Eretwa spoke excitedly, and lifted her hair and tilted her head so they could see. All the while Donwin kept making his way up the stairs, already being ahead two stories.
"Mines on my side, and looks like a flame.
The word "mines" should actually be "mine’s".Eruraina wrote:
Hey, Donwin, wait up for us," cried Recfir, and starting running
Did you mean "started" instead of "starting"?Eruraina wrote:
up the stairs. Surprised for a second, Eretwa and Tresha soon followed hastily. It took a few more flights of stairs before they all caught up to Donwin. A while back the doors to the tower and closed with a slam, and now no light from outside could be seen. They continued on up in silence for awhile, before Eretwa couldn't take just listening to the echo of bare feet on wide stone steps.
"Where are y'all from? I'm from eastern Tennessee. My dad has a ten acre ranch, and I own three horses," she said almost randomly.
"Like I said earlier, dude. Florida, on New Smyrna beach. My parents own a nick nack shop as I like to call it," said Recfir.
The words "nick nack" should actually be spelled "knick-knack".Eruraina wrote:
"New York," was all Donwin spoke.
"Las Angles, California, the best city in the world," Tresha replied, then stopped. "How do you spell your names?"
"E-R-E-T-W-A. Why?" asked Eretwa, Tresha just shook her head.
"R-E-C-F-I-R, and I'm up with Eretwa here. Why exactly do you want to know this?"
"Because, I have a hunch," Tresha replied. "What about you, Donwin, how do you spell your name?"
"D-O-N-W-I-N, just like it sounds." For a moment Tresha thought deeply.
"Did you know you can spell wind with the letters in your name, Donwin? And I can spell earth out of my name. You can spell fire from Recfir's name, and water out of Eretwa's. Only, you have letters left over. An O and an N from Donwin, an E from Eretwa, an R and a C from Recfir, and from mine an S."
"Together the extra letters spell Onercs. Weird," breathed Eretwa.
"So our names are connected to each other even past just being weird. And if this place is Onercs, than we're connected to this place as well," thought Recfir.
"Or it could be coincidence," suggested Donwin, who was starting to get ahead again because the other two had stopped along with Tresha. "But it really doesn't matter about this stuff about names. It's stupid, actually. I just want to get out of here, and the only way I figure to do that is to get to the top. And I guess we're about half way up. I can feel the opening at the top."
"Feel the opening?" asked Eretwa, confused.
"Yeah, I can feel the draft from the opening above, can't you?"
"No. It's really stuffy in here," mumbled Eretwa.
"You can feel the air?" Tresha gasped, going up the steps again, trying to catch up to Donwin again. "I could understand the trees talking. Only I thought it was a joke by my friends. But now that I think about it, it might really have been the trees really speaking to me."
"Yeah, and dude, when I woke up here. I was in a bed of lava surrounded by fire. It didn't even feel hot," Recfir talked excitedly.
"Well, I just woke up floating in water. I didn't come to any strange experiences. But, I did wake up in water. So, we each have an element? Cool! I wonder if we have cool magical powers with them. Like I could talk to fish and swim really fast, and command it to do my bidding. Maybe Recfir can make fire come from his finger tips at will. And what if you, Tresha, can make plants grow out of even stone. Or is it even possible for Donwin to fly?" Eretwa was getting so excited that she started leaping up the stairs, wanting to know what was waiting for them at the top.
"The trees did say something about elementals, and that there were three others. You guys seem to fit the bill. And that Onercs depends on us finding each other," Tresha said.
"Well, we found each other, dude. Now what?" Recfir asked.
"To the top of the tower," Donwin called back. So, without another word all four of them made their way up the seemingly endless staircase. Hour after hour dragged on with still no sign of the top. They rested when ever they got tired, which became more frequent as they climbed. Donwin said after long intervals that the air was becoming thinner and that the draft from the top closer, and that he could almost taste the fresh air again. Recfir and Eretwa were soon over being cold, and all four teens were dripping with sweat. The marble stepps
A little spelling mistake there…You inadvertently put two "P"s on "step".Eruraina wrote:
also became steeper, and the tower seemed to become thinner as they climbed. A good jogging pace slowed to a literal crawl. They were on their hands and knees now climbing the steeping steps. Finally they reached the top after what seemed like forever. The stairs came to an abrupt end and there was now a ladder which led to a wooden trap door in the roof. Recfir volunteered to go up first. He climbed the ladder, pushed open the door and climbed out to the top of the tower. Before looking around he turned and helped the other three up, Donwin first, and then the girls because they wore dresses.
When they all stood at the top, they looked around. From this high up even the mountains looked small, but in the North you could see a light brown outline on the horizon, while all other directions was just water. The top was only five feet wide, with four foot stone railings all the way around. In the middle of the flat top stood an eight-legged star with a crystal on top. Between every other space between legs was a crystal and a ring, each with one of the four colors that lighted the inside of the tower. The rings were the same color as the crystals, and seemed to be made of each element the color represented. Without questioning, Donwin went to the gray crystal, and took the ring, which just seemed a ring of smoke yet felt solid. He held it up to the sun which was now high in the sky with his fore finger and thumb. Then he placed it on his ring finger on his right hand. The others stared at him until he realized it.
"What? It's not like anyone else is going to take them. Besides, you'd think they belong to us, being our elements as you guys put it on the stairs," he said with a shrug. The others thought for a moment, then agreed. They each went to pick up and put on their own rings. Eretwa's was like a ring of water that always moved yet felt solid and still where you touched it. Tresha's was a ring like a vine with a few small leaves growing off of it. Recfir's was a ring of red fire that didn't burn or scorch what it touched, and felt solid when picked up as well.
As soon as each one of them had put on their ring, all five crystals started glowing. Then a light like a shooting star came from the mainland, and landed right on top of the tower on the white crystal in the middle of the table. There was a great flash of light, and the four teens shielded their eyes from the brightness. When the light died down enough for them to see, there on the crystal stood-or more floated over the crystal-a woman like that carved on one of the doors of the tower.
One other little thing here; for "the crystal-a woman", you should really have a spaceb between "crystal" and "a", or it begins to look like you’re combining the words.Eruraina wrote:
She had waste-length hair, each strand being a different color, yet the number of colors didn't overwhelm the eye.
You confused the two forms of "waist". The one you have written pertains to garbage. You were looking for "waist".Eruraina wrote:
The colors were subtle, light, and soft. Her eyes were silver and seemed to hold the universe with their look of ancient knowledge and wisdom. She was pale, and very slim and fragile looking, yet her presence suggested that she was very strong and powerful. Her cheekbones were high, her lips full, eyebrows were like her hair in colors and slim, and a stout chin complimented her fair face. The angle wore a dress the seemed to be made of stars stretched into thread that was woven together. It was tight around her bodice, but reached freely to the ground about her unclad feet. Wide sleeves framed frail, soft hands. On her chest she wore a single white diamond held with a golden clasp on a silver chain. And upon her head was a silver tiara in crested with jewels of every color.
Savoury wording in that excellent description there! Very well done indeed.Eruraina wrote:
"Elementals," the figure said in a clear voice. "I am Starrion the High Angel, humble servant to the Great One. I am the one who called you here to Onercs. I need your help. The demon Darccos has taken me captive in his evil lair. What you see before you is only a message, but I must make this quick before Darccos finds I was strong enough to send you all this. You are the next generation from Earth to come and help Onercs. You have strong powers in elements you represent, which I hope you have figured out already. Go to the main land, the locals there will help you. Please, you must help me. When I am freed, I will send you back to Earth. Back to your homes. Again I ask will you save Onercs from Darccos.
A little style thing here; there should be a comma between "you" and "save". Eruraina wrote:
Please," with that the image flickered and vanished.
In this instance, you started a new one after "please", meaning that "with" should start a new sentence.Eruraina wrote:
The four stood there for a moment, shocked. It had come and gone before they could really register what had happened.
"Awe, that poor angel, captive by that demon.
Wrong "awe" used here…you were looking for "aw".Eruraina wrote:
I bet thats the ugly creature on the other tower door," Eretwa said, sticking out her bottom lip.
Little mistake here…you just forgot the apostrophe.Eruraina wrote:
"That was weird, dude. So, we have to go on some quest to save this lady in order to get home? Great. And we have to cross that long spanse of water to get to the rest of this world? Dude!" Recfir fumed sarcastically.
I believe the word you’re looking for is "expanse". Eruraina wrote:
"It's a long way, might as well get going now," Donwin said, but just stood there, staring off to the horizon, his back being to the line of land in the distance.
"We've only been up here five minutes or less, and already we have to go down? Hey, I've got an idea. If you're wind, Donwin, then why don't you fly us down?" said Tresha.
"Yeah, sprout wings and fly, dude," offered Recfir.
"I would if I could but," Donwin began.
Little problemo here…you need a dash to represent that the character’s dialogue has been cut off. A comma suggests that the dialogue is going to continue after the reference to the speaker.Eruraina wrote:
"Don't say but. Try. Imagine you have wings, imagine them sprouting from your back. If that doesn't work, then try and call a strong enough wind to bring us back to solid grounds safely," Eretwa said, jumping up and down.
"Fine, Ms. Positive," Donwin retorted, then closed his eyes. For a moment nothing happened, then in the flash of an eye, two feathered wings sprouted from his back. Both were gray.
"Both were gray" is a sentence fragment. Try adding it to the previous sentence.Eruraina wrote:
Donwin opened his eyes, a surprised look on his face for a moment, but it quickly went back to his usual emotionless look. "Well, what do you know, it worked."
"Dude, they have to be fifteen feet long each," cried Recfir.
"No, more about six feet three inches long each," Eretwa said, and they all stared at her. "What? I know lengths just by looking at them, I've learned to do that, especially when you need to know how tall a horse is."
"I still think fifteen feet would be cooler, dud," mumbled Recfir.
You just forgot the "E" on "dude".Eruraina wrote:
"I'd argue the point as well, if it wasn't for the fact that I wanted down to solid ground safely. I'm not one for heights too much, unless it's in trees," complained Tresha.
"Then Donwin can fly you down first. Hey, where'd that dude go?" Recfir said, looking around. He had disappeared while they were arguing. A few seconds later Donwin landed in the spot where he had stood before hand.
"Before hand" is actually one word.Eruraina wrote:
He saw the surprised looks on everyone's faces and shrugged.
"I had to check to see if I could fly in the first place. Besides, I'm no taxi cab that's only used for other people," he said, and sat down on the table. "But, might as well ask who's first?"
"I am," said Tresha, starting to fidget nervously. "So how are we going to do this?"
"And in a way so it's not awkward," added Eretwa, scratching her chin, then she snapped her finger. "I got it. One arm can hold the legs and the other can hold the back. Then the person being carried put hers or his arms around Donwin's neck." The others stared at her in silence. "What? I don't see y'all coming up with any ideas."
"No, I was thinking that might work," Tresha said. "What do you think, Donwin. You're the one who's doing the carrying."
"It's good enough," he said, getting to his feet. Tresha was very light and thin so she was easy to pick up and carry. Donwin asked her if she ever ate, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said "beauty comes with it's vices". Donwin just shook his hand, and jumped off the building, and slowly spiraled down to the ground with his wings stretched.
A few little suggestions for this passage: I would suggest that you use actual dialogue rather than just a summarization of the dialogue, but that’s just by artistic preference. I think it helps with the flow, but again, that’s just me. Also, there’s a misspelling of the word "spiralled". You just need an extra "L".Eruraina wrote:
The whole time, Tresha screamed, and looked like she could kiss the ground when Donwin finally put her down. For a moment she stood there on wobbly legs then dropped to her knees.
"I always hated flying. And this hasn't helped that phobia," Tresha complained, Donwin said nothing and flew off back to the top of the tower.
I would suggest ending the sentence after "Tresha complained".Eruraina wrote:
Next he carried down Eretwa, who squeezed her eyes shut the whole time, but didn't say anything. Even though she was shorter than the older girl, Eretwa was stockier, and not as thin, so she was slightly heavier.
"I feel woozy. Oh, I forgot I get motion sick. I think I'm gonna barf," Eretwa groaned, holding her stomach, and running off behind the tower to recover.
If you mean to take this story seriously (and by that I mean keep writing it at a steady pace in the hopes of publication), then I would strongly dissuade you from using abbreviations like "gonna". Eruraina wrote:
Recfir was last, and wasn't carried like the girls. He put his arm around Donwin's shoulder, who put a hand on his waste.
Same problem with the word "waist".Eruraina wrote:
The two nearly dropped like a fly because Recfir was almost heavier than Donwin. When all of them were on the ground, the air elemental sat on a big rock, and was breathing hard. After a moment his wings disappeared and it was as if they had never been there in the first place. Soon Eretwa came back looking more pale than before, but said she was fine when questioned.
"Now what?" Asked Recfir.
"We go across the water," Donwin replied, standing.
Wow. Again, a very impressive chapter, Eruraina! As I’ve said with the previous chapters, good descriptions. It’s really helpful in painting a mental image. Overall, my only suggestion would be to check your spelling.
I'm just sorry I didn't have it up sooner.