Congrats on capturing a very human emotion with simplicity. The rhythm and organization are well done, and I love how you didn't try to mire your poetry with complex phrases or long words. The short lines are blunt, taking the readers right to the point, and your overall style is lean and refreshingly direct.
However, I think you could be more specific with your imagery. A large part of poetry is the attempt to come up with the most striking, original images possible - images that stay with the readers long after the words are forgotten.
It's hurting. HOW is it hurting? Blazing fires can be warm, comforting. Make your readers FEEL the hurt. Needles of fire, fire searing your skin, a fever eating you hollow.
Things are dragging you down. What kinds of things?
It's pulling. "Grasping hands" - a pair of words that have been used so much in literature that they're almost cliched. Envision the hands. Are they awkward or frenzied? Do they look like claws? Do they have long, raking nails or pudgy, clumsy fingers? It causes you to drown. What does drowning feel like? Are you drowning in water, from lack of air, or in quicksand?
No one talks to you. "Talk" is a general term. How do you want to be spoken to? A friend laughing with you? A lover whispering in your ear? No one walks with you. What kind of path do you walk, figuratively? What does the road look like? Let your readers SEE what you see on your figurative path.
Yeah, you get the idea. Weigh every word for sound. Weigh every metaphor for subtle connotations. In a poem this short, every detail matters.
Overall, very nice job.
I did like it, but I'm a hard critic.
