*snorts* These are great! I'm cracking up over a few of these, still... alright, my turn...

SCENE: Aragorn just tumbled off the cliff.
Legolas: ... wow... Aragorn's dead...
Gimli: Dibs on his CD player!
Legolas: I get Narsil!
Theoden: I want his checking account!
Eomer: I get his girl!
Random Soldier: His abilities to get girls!
Sauron: Dibs on the crown, throne, and title!
Everyone else: ... dang.

***

SCENE: Barad-dur
Gollum: Shire... Baggins...
Orc 1: Shire Baggins? What's that supposed to mean?
Orc 2: *shrugs* What's Shire Baggins?
Gollum: No, no, no, Shire comma Baggins.
Orc: 3: Shire comma Baggins?
Orc 1: I think he means Shire, put in a comma, Baggins.
Orc 2: Like Shire, pause, Baggins?
Orc 1: Yea, only with a comma.
Orc 2: Shire comma pause Baggins?
Orc 3: Or maybe Shire comma space Baggins...
Orc 1: *writes it down* Yea, yea, that's sounds right. Let me tell the Big Boss.

Sauron: I want you to go out there and find a *reads off a piece of paper* Shire, Baggins.
Ringwraith 1: Shire Baggins? That's a weird name.
Ringwraith 2: Where are we supposed to find a Shire Baggins?
Sauron: No, no, Shire AND Baggins.
Ringwraith 1: Shire and Baggins? What demented parent names their kids Shire and Baggins?
Ringwraith 3: Well, I once new this parent who named their kid Bird... last name was Droppings. So Shire and Baggins aren't too bad of names.
Ringwraith 2: Well, what about if Baggins has the last name of Eol?
Ringwraith 4: Baggins Eol? That makes no sense. Besides, Eol is a first name; remember that dude from the First Age?
Ringwraith 2: I wasn't around during the First Age, stupid!
Sauron: GUYS! Yo, guys, Shire is a place.
Ringwraith 3: ... that makes sense. But still, Baggins is one stupid name-
Sauron: I think it's a last name.
Ringwraith 5: But it's still stupid... oh. Well, guess it's not too bad-
Sauron: Nope. Actually, the first name is Frodo, who inherited it from this Bilbo character...
Ringwraith 6: Frodo? That's just as stupid as Baggins and Shire!
Ringwraith 7: Or Shire Baggins.
Ringwraith 4: And what sort of name is Bilbo?
Sauron: Hey, hey, Frodo was originally called Bingo-
Ringwraith 8: Bingo? Ouch.
Ringwraith 9: Oh, like the dog Bingo?
Ringwraith 7: There was a farmer who had a dog-
Ringwraith 3: -and Bingo was his name-o!
Sauron: Guys-
Ringwraith 6: B-I-N-G-O!
Ringwraith 9: B-I-N-G-O!
Sauron: Guys, stop-
Ringwraith 1: B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!
Sauron: STOP IT ALREADY BEFORE I STOVE YOUR HEADS IN! *Ringwraiths quiet* Good. Now I want you to find this Bingo- I mean, Frodo Baggins who lives in the Shire.
Ringwraith 4: But-
Sauron: NOW!!!
Ringwraiths: *meep and run off to get their horses*

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OH MY GOSH!!! THE LAST ONE IS SO FUNNY!!! I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR!!!!

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[font=Times New Roman, serif]All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.[/font]

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Omg! That was soooo funny! I was laughing so hard at the Bird Droppings part. You are really creative to come up with something like that. I probably could do it too, but they wouldn't be as good as yours.
Nice work!

~~Lady Aramel 8)

Wow...that really was funny!!!!

At moria
Gandalf:Fool of a took!!Next time throw yourself in and rid us of your stupidity!!!!

Later:
Boromir:They have a cave troll.
*Everybody starts fighting, Frodo is hurt*
Merry:Oh!Fro-hey where's Pippin!?
Sam:Mr. Pippin!?Where are you?
Gimli:Pippin!?Pippin!?
Frodo:*breathless*wha-what abou-about me?
Aragorn:Yes, I suppose that spear would have skewered a wild boar..yet you're alive and we have more urgent things to think of.Pippin!
Gandalf:Oh no! He's thrown himself down the well!
Legolas:No!But I lov- er- I mean he's so cute!! I understand why he has more fangirls than I!
Frodo:But there is more to this hoobit than you know!! *shows mithril shirt* You see!?
Gimli:Yes..yes.Hush up!
Sam:Oh, Mr.Frodo! We forgot about you! But don't worry I'm here.
Frodo:Is this all the attention I get!? This fat-tater-eating-gay-hobbit!?
*everybody is searching franticlly* Suddenly Pippin's voice is heard*
Pippin:You should see all this!
Merry:He's in the cave troll's stomach!!
*Everybody dives in to rip up the cave troll's stomach*
Frodo is still in pain not bieng noticed
3 hours later
Pippin:What're you all doing? There's a balrog and somebody's got to go die!
*every body stares at gandlaf and then back at Pippin*
Gandalf:Fool of a took! Where were you!?
Pippin:I was looking for second breakfast! Last time I asked you all I got a flying apple!
........

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In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

My other TARDIS is a police box.

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Pip or Merry: We're full!

Aragorn: I need a bath

Gollum: Oh who cares about the precious? Anyone want to go gardening?

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~*~Mrs. Darcy~*~


Thanks to Arwen for the beautiful Darcy banner & Pandora for the amazing Jasper/Alice one!!
~*~Team Jasper~*~

Gimli- Anyone else want to go running?

Hehe, thanks guys... I blame sugar XD

Another one!

Scene: Tower of Cirith Ungol, where Frodo is being kept... the orcs are currently discussing what they should do with him.

Orc 1: So, what should we do with him?
Orc 2: Well, I am really, really hungry-
Orc 3: No, I've heard that halflings taste bad.
Orc 2: Really? I've heard they taste like sushi.
Orc 4: You haven't been talking with that Gollum creature again, have you?
Orc 2: No, no... I've just heard they taste like sushi.
Orc 1: From who?
Orc 2: Some gal I met in Ithilien... ate her up... she tasted like tuna. I don't like tuna.
Orc 3: Wait, wait... you like sushi, yet you don't like tuna?
Orc 2: *shrugs*
Orc 1: That still leaves us with what we should do with him...
Orc 5: ... aren't we supposed to give him to the Dark Lord?
All other orcs: *look at him for a moment and then kill him*
Orc 1: Right. Now... what do we do with him?
Orc 3: We can play with him.
Orc 4: Like Go Fish?
Orc 3: I was thinking more along the lines of BS...
Orc 1: How about poker? Do halflings like poker?
Orc 2: I still want to see if he tastes like sushi or not...
Orc 1: Halflings do not taste like sushi. Now stop complaining. Now, boys: poker, BS, or Go Fish?
Orc 3: I like the idea of poker, actually...
Orc 2: But what can we bet? He has no money.
All orcs: *look at each other* Strip Poker!

... right. And I'm ending it there. Keeping this PG...

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Gollum to Legolas: How's my hair?
Legolas: Who cares about hair I say the messier the better!
Gollum: I think I need to go on a diet I am so fat I mean look at me I am bigger than a cave troll!

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Ainu Laire: enough said!

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OMG Ent & Laire you make me laugh so hard

Araorn: "Hey ladies, look at me, I've got a huge sword and I'm sexy!"
Legolas: "Yeah, right. I'm even more sexy!"
Aragorn: "Shut it, hell!"
Boromir: "Guys, stop arguing. Can't you see I'm the most desired man round here? Chicks faint looking at me."
Legolas: "That's because you smell."
Boromir: "Oh yeah? I won't listen such things from a skater boy."
Legolas: "You don't have to, the point is I am the most pretty Elf round here."
Gimli: "Yes? And how come Aragorn is engaged with the fittest Elf chick round here and you two are still single?"

And so began the ultimate fight ...

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<center>[font=Times New Roman]<img src="http://tinyurl.com/63ongu"><br><br>From sorrow & pain I find my strength ... the more pain I feel, the more I see /// July the 4th 2008, first day of my life...<br><br>I met Eru on September 5th 2006 ♥ (and April 15th 2008!)<br><br>Censorship Causes Blindness</center>[/font]

Hmm... let me try my hand at it.

Aragorn: Legolas, do you like cheese?
-- -- -- -- --
Legolas: That is a pretty dwarf woman.
-- -- -- -- --
Gollum: Do any of you two hobbitsesss have any hairspray?
-- -- -- -- --
Sauron: Get me my Visine! PRONTO!
-- -- -- -- --
Ringwraith 5: Does this robe make my butt look big?
-- -- -- -- --
Arwen: Tell me Ada, shall Estel live or die?
*Elrond quickly consults magic eight ball*
Elrond: *reading* I wouldn't count on it.
-- -- -- -- --
Eowyn: Grima is SO hott!


Okay folks, here is my first try. If you don't laugh, that's because you cannot see the random mental images that are accompanying these little quotes. Did that make any sense? XD

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I get it ...

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<center>[font=Times New Roman]<img src="http://tinyurl.com/63ongu"><br><br>From sorrow & pain I find my strength ... the more pain I feel, the more I see /// July the 4th 2008, first day of my life...<br><br>I met Eru on September 5th 2006 ♥ (and April 15th 2008!)<br><br>Censorship Causes Blindness</center>[/font]

YAY! Someone else understands my sense of humor!

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Hmmmm. okay, got one
Aragorn: Raaaaaaaaaaaa! Who took my shampoo and conditioner?!
Gollum: Whoops.
Aragorn: Grrrrrrrrr......
Sam: Oh, come on Strider, isn't Gollum the cutest thing ya ever saw? Yes you are Gollum, yes you are.